menu/ SEXUAL ABUSE

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what is child sexual abuse? Child sexual abuse is a sexual act imposed on a child who lacks emotional, maturational, physical and cognitive development. The crime of luring a child into sexual activities is sadly common because of the powerful and dominant position of the adult or older adolescent perpetrator. This is in sharp contrast to the child's age, dependency, lack of knowledge, and subordinate position. Authority, power, corruption of affection, and (sometimes) force enable the perpetrator to easily coerce the child into sexual compliance.

how common is sexual abuse? - 25% of all adults have been sexually abused;- Statistics suggest that as many as 1 in 4 children becomes a victim of sexual abuse by the time they reach 18 yrs of age;- Up to 90% of sexual abuse of children is committed by someone the child knows;- Approximately 10% of all victims reporting sexual abuse are boys, but probably more are abused; and- A study of imprisoned sexual abusers of children revealed that, on the average, they each had molested over 230 victims. Among other things, this indicates how very easy it is for adults to molest children.

what might i experience as a survivor of sexual abuse? - low self esteem;- inability to trust others;- exaggerated willingness to remain in dysfunctional or abusive relationships;- sexual dysfunction;- drug/alcohol abuse;- eating disorders;- distorted body image;- flashbacks of the abuse;- frequent nightmares;- intruding thoughts;- frozen or numbed emotions;- depression;- anxiety;- self abuse and self-deprivation; and- difficulty experiencing pleasure.

what can i do if i am a survivor of sexual abuse?

- READ SELF-HELP BOOKS The Courage to Heal by Bass and Davis (a companion workbook helping survivors identify and process feelings and thoughts related to the sexual abuse. There is also a book for the partners and loved ones of survivors. These books are helpful in empowering the survivor);

- TALK TO SUPPPORTIVE PEOPLE Find people who will be willing to listen to your thoughts and feelings related to the sexual abuse. The supportive other should be non-judgmental (not blaming you for the abuse, or telling you what to do or how to feel), able to listen to your feelings, honest, and willing to be there for you during the "rough times";

- BEGIN THERAPY Therapy can be a safe and supportive environment in which to explore your feelings and thoughts with a non-judgmental, caring person. A therapist can help you deal with the psychological effects of sexual abuse such as depression, anxiety, low self-esteem and flashbacks;

- JOIN A SEXUAL ABUSE SURVIVORS GROUP In a group setting you have the opportunity to hear about the experiences of other survivors and share your experience with them. Support groups or therapy groups can be excellent places to talk about your feelings and experiences while receiving emotional support from others. NOTE: It is advisable to enter a support group only after you have progressed sufficiently in individual therapy or are currently involved in individual therapy or group therapy

.- BROWSE THIS SITE Begin with the ABUSE section on the upper left hand menu of this page, where you will find information on male and female sexual abuse, and then read other relevant sections, such as ADDICTION, DEPRESSION, HEALTH, LAUGHTER, and HOPE.

Copyright 2002 The University of Cincinnati Psychological Services Center

little earthquakes

yellow bird flying
gets shot in the wing
good year for hunters
and christmas parties
and i hate
and i hate
and i hate
and i hate elevator music
the way we fight
the way i'm left here
silent
oh these little earthquakes
here we go again
these little earthquakes
doesn't take much
to rip us into pieces
we danced in graveyards
with vampires till dawn
we laughed in the faces of kings
never afraid to burn
and i hate
and i hate
and i hate
and i hate disintegration
watching us wither
black winged roses
that safely changed their COLOR
oh, these little earthquakes
here we go again
these little earthquakes
doesn't take much
to rip us into pieces
i can't reach you!
can't reach you!
give me life
give me pain
give me myself again
oh, these little earthquakes
here we go again
these little earthquakes
doesn't take much to rip us into pieces

© www.toriamos.com

the ultimate essay on how cyberporn affects men

... please click here ...

ex-prostitute rescues girls from life she fled

There are no angels on the streets of Harlem. But if there were, they could hardly stand out more than a petite, 27-year-old British woman battling to rescue teenage prostitutes. Rachel Lloyd has one big advantage over others trying to save the girls from violence, drugs, exploitation and prison: she is a survivor of what she calls "The Life".

"Everyone is going to put their own personal slant on my story," she said in her New York headquarters. "Angel of Harlem is corny. But it's better than drug-addict hooker."Her work with the girls, and her public advocacy of their cause, has already turned her into a local celebrity. Much of the attention has been focused on her past, a grim narrative which began with a "too much, too young" childhood on the south coast of England and led, via Germany's vice industry, to her new life in the US. From her base in a converted shop in Harlem she acts as role model, elder sister and angel of mercy for teenage girls who have been led astray. In New York, the face of child prostitution belongs to 14- to 15-year-old black girls, victims of sexual assault and broken homes, some of them with children of their own.

Shelter, help with returning to education, and therapy are some of the facilities offered by Girls Educational and Mentoring Services (GEMS) which Ms Lloyd founded three years ago. Find out more by clicking here ...


It was the first time I had ever known the emotions that fuel homicide ...


... A woman regularly molested as a child by her stepfather recently murdered her two sons. The English ganglord Ronnie Kray was known to simply kill those he thought "over-familiar," a textbook response to early sexual abuse (the victims of which react dramatically to the trespassing of certain boundaries). Recognition: enemy. Object: expulsion. Youth is only ever a prison to some.

Aldo's face to me in that instant was a thing of holocausts. I sensed in him a slender, tentative, lunatic smile; I sensed in him the red lucidity of the insane. A revolution brewed within and kindled in me fire. Spat out his tongue. Slapped his mouth hard. Sluggard absorption: had I dreamed my indignation or had my assertive act been real?

His hand rose to his cheek as if through water and an expression of real terror lit his eyes. I knew then and only then that it had really happened. Some said it had been modelled on a panel of Christ, a flaking pieta whitewashed in days only Magdalen remembers. That slap echoed around the room. Previously muted, my breath came at me in blowtorch flames. Aldo had not expected this response, he was accustomed to capitulation.

Smarting with fear, apologizing in thin frantic hisses, spinning promises of Handel concerts and pretty dresses, he was absolutely cowed. That warlock's bathrobe fell open and exposed his wen-splashed belly and its mangy fur. His boxer-shorts (a size too small) were crushed by the opposing forces of his gut and upper thighs. The fly opened, exposing a slain gastropod. Such sloping shoulders, shaking jowls. I recall my feelings - wild and defiant, seismic - more accurately that I recall the wording of my odium. I had learnt a thing or two of threats from him and he had proved (as mother had predicted) a very competent teacher. Repeatedly touching his stinging lips, he was astonished and stared at his fingers as if they had been lacquered with his blood. Flurry of towelling and the door was quickly closed.

Unable to cry out or weep, I sat shivering in bed, attempting to soothe myself with the mechanical activity of rubbing my thin arms. And how it was possible to be betrayed. I was an perceptive animal, but this was of little relevance. No child is a small adult for the adult is the evolution of the child. Subtle distinctions. I was so dazed. I felt as if I had been killed. I could not sleep for the next forty-eight hours. It can be said that I was raised in an environment of sexualžzed mortification.

- from The Pure Weight of the Heart by Antonella Gambotto-Burke

LINKS ON THIS SITE
Learn about Alice Miller
Learn about Antonella Gambotto-Burke
Abuse
Addiction
Grief
Feeling suicidal?
Illness: a new perspective
The biochemistry of hope
Optimism
Relationships
Inspiration
Find your own North Star

LINKS GENERAL
Sexual abuse questionnaire
The impact of cyberporn on men *critical reading

Message board for sexual abuse survivors - NOW!
Abuse Survivors message boards and email list - NOW!
Excellent resources for sexual abuse survivors
Climbing out of the Spiral
Barbados - a rape and sexual abuse site inspired by Tori Amos
Alice Miller's official website
Message boards for those who want to improve their ability to communicate - NOW!
Depression and anxiety message boards - NOW!
Chat to people who have relationship problems - NOW!
For those who feel suicidal and want a non-religious reply within 24 hours - NOW!
Happy reading
Self-esteem resources
Immediate relief from bad feelings
Receive confidence-building daily stories - highly recommended!
Free guided audio online relaxation exercises