change the world
the need to be needed
- A disastrous relationship with an addict or compulsive person; and
- A disabling personal problem of his / her own, namely, an obsession with controlling or curing the other person which leads to frustration.
People who are codependent care a lot; they devote their lives to saving
others who are in trouble. Sounds wonderful! But that isn't the full
1. Excessive other-centeredness, i.e. needing others to be happy;
2. A lack of clear-cut "boundaries" between them and the addict, leading to assuming responsibility for another's life;
3. Low self-esteem, self-criticism, excessive guilt, and shame;
5. Denial of one's own problems and need for love;
6. Unwarranted optimism about changing others;
Some theorists say shame is the basic cause for addictions and for
If a 25-year-old child or a spouse constantly gets into trouble, say
some illegal activity, the weak-boundaried, codependent parent or spouse
would continue to respond with dread and excuses for each offense (almost
as if he/she had committed the crimes) and feel compelled every time
to do everything possible to buy the best legal defense to avoid punishment.
If our self-concept is low and has weak, unclear boundaries, we may
be dependent, taken over, used, or manipulated by others, or feel so
identified with a needy person that we are compelled to take over and
manage the other person's life.
1. You didn't cause it;
2. You can't control it; and
3. You can cure it!
In short, you can stop supporting the addict's sickness
and get a healthy life of your own!
Copyright 2002 Clay Tucker-Ladd
In moments of stress, try to think about beautiful things which are calm and peaceful.
I must keep calm and unmoved In the vicissitudes of life.
I must go back into the silence of communion with my higher Power to recover this calm when it is lost even for one moment.
I will accomplish more by this calmness than by all the activities of a long day.
AT ALL COST I WILL KEEP CALM.
I can solve nothing when I am agitated.
I should keep away from those things that are upsetting emotionally.
I should run on an even keel and not get tipped over by emotional upsets.
I should seek for things that are calm and good and true and stick to these things.
"I pray that I may not argue or contend but merely state calmly what I believe to be true. I pray that I may keep in that state of calmness that comes in faith in my Higher Power's purpose for the world."
If you cannot find the time to stop and smell the fragrance of a flower.
If you are in such a rush that you cannot pause and listen to the song of a bird.
If your life is so full that you cannot rest awhile and hear the ripple of a stream.
If life is such a burden that you cannot hear the beauty in a newborn baby's cry.
Then, dear friend, you have not found time to live.
For it is in such things as these you will find the true meaning of life in all its glory and splendor.
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