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And so I learned that I was not in the moneymaking end of the moneymaking
business. Money? Money's easy. Money's nothing more than energy. If money isn't flowing in your life, that means your emotions are blocked. Flow of money is directly associated with flow of feelings. When there's something wrong in a marriage, the money dries up. When you don't feel you deserve something, the money dries up. When you're not doing something you really want to do, the money dries up. If you get your emotions flowing again - be they angry,
frustrated, hurt, feelings of abandonment or grief,
whatever - the money will start flowing again. Just don't get violent
with anything other than a pillow or punching bag! No matter how bleak
things seem right now, if you invest some effort into expressing your
feelings to a friend, partner, counsellor,
or someone in a chat room or on a message board, it will start the ball
rolling. I was afraid Adam would slow me down, and he has. Not because he has required more care and time than a 'normal' boy (he is the most helpful and least demanding of my children), but because the immediacy and joy with which he lives his life make rapacious achievement, Harvard-style, look a lot like quiet desperation. Adam has slowed me down to the point where I notice what is in front of me, its mystery and beauty, instead of thrashing my way through a maze of difficult requirements toward labels and achievements that contain no joy in themselves. Adam takes his joy straight up, in purer form than most of us can handle. He was the person who, at two years of age, spent enough time experimenting to learn that his four-month-old sister was capable of laughter, and determining exactly what would make her laugh. He is the one who goes into transports of delight over clean sheets, or packaged waffles, or batteries. |
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