cosby haunted by bloody nightmares of son
NEW YORK (AP) -- Bill Cosby said he is still haunted by bloody nightmares
of his son, Ennis, who was shot to death last month while changing a
tire off a Los Angeles freeway. "Sometimes there's this horrible picture
that I have of Ennis, with blood coming out ... of his nose, mouth and
eyes," Cosby told ABC's Good Morning America in an interview
that aired today. "Eyes wide open, and he's dead."
bill cosby looked to british poet for
By BOB THOMAS - Associated Press
LOS ANGELES - His son dead and an affair exposed, Bill Cosby unexpectedly
found himself gaining comfort from a British writer known for controversial
views on race.
"Because of Ennis's murder, I found myself dealing with a man I had
often argued with," Cosby told The Associated Press. "I had many, many
arguments with him. That was Rudyard Kipling."
Kipling, who died in 1936, wrote a number of books inspired by his experiences
working for the British government in colonial India. But he also wrote
poetry, one of which was titled White Man's Burden, in which he glorified
the colonization of foreign lands. Another, Gunga Din, is about the
devotion of an Indian servant to British soldiers battling in the Punjab.
Cosby had long objected to Kipling, and yet could not help being drawn
to one of his works, the poem If. "The first paragraph I kept reading.
I didn't want to memorize it. I just kept reading it over and over."
The poem, recited by countless schoolboys over the century, begins:
If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired of waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal with lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise ...
"It was very calming, very calming," Cosby said. "Because there were
times when you wanted to yell out and just be a nasty person. Reading
that paragraph over and over, I was able to suppress it."
On Jan. 16, Cosby learned that his only son, Ennis, 27, had been shot
to death in Los Angeles. Then a woman who claimed to be his daughter
demanded millions to remain silent.
Autumn Jackson, 23, was sentenced to 26 months in prison on Dec. 12
after being convicted in New York of extortion and other charges. Cosby
admitted having sex with the woman's mother, but denied being Ms. Jackson's
The trial of the 18-year-old man charged in his son's slaying is scheduled
to take place next month.
So now has Bill Cosby made his peace with Kipling? "No!" he replied
strongly. "That's the beautiful part about what his poem also teaches
you. There are some things you don't like and you still don't like them.
We argue, and I've learned that I can toast him for If. But I still
got a problem with Gunga Din being down in hell waiting for this guy
to come so he can give him more water."
© 2002 Canoe, a division of Netgraphe Inc
When someone we love is
senselessly murdered, the surviving family members and friends are
usually angry, bitter, and full of blame ... All these feelings are
part of the grieving. It is understandable. Anger turns into guilt,
as there are always so many who believe that there was something they
could have done to prevent such a crime. If there is a trial, then the
grieving is continually stirred up as the evidence is presented and
This is a horrendous period of life for all those involved. On one hand,
you want the trial to be over so you can have some closure; on the other
hand, you want to make sure that justice is served and everything is
done properly. Not only is murder shocking, but often the surviving
family members and friends are tormented by thoughts of their loved
one's last minutes on earth.
When someone is thrown out of the physical body suddenly, as in a violent
death, the spirit may not know for a hile that it has passed over. It
may wander the Earth realm as if in a dream ... However, once a soul
has made the adjustment to the spiritual level, a relative or spirit
guide is there to assist it. The communication I have had with murder
victims has been a mixture of confusion on the one hand, and concern
for the living on the other.
There are many reasons why murder occurs ... it may be due to a karmic
debt that has to be repaid. Grieving for a murdered person may be a
very difficult process. Be patient, as it will take some time. Remember
that forgiveness can help you get through your own painful feelings.
- from Reaching to Heaven,
by James van Praagh