I will always remember the first night I wanted to die. Shivering, I lay in bed. That consciousness of darkness was very new. Sweat pricked my eyes. I could not breathe. The urge to die was as insistent as a dog. Sentience had become fear: fear of the known, fear of the unknown. I did not understand the philosophical underpinnings of this experience, and struggled. Cancer altered the family dynamic; my place in it was no longer secure. That big knife with the wooden handle glistened with a pornographic intensity in my thoughts.

Panic: I knew something was wrong, but did not know how to explain this death-bright urge. (The foundations of my life were slowly being washed out from under me like sand: out of control.) I could not turn to my mother. And my father refused to discuss the personal. That sense of isolation overwhelmed me in a sudden, wrenching twist: I wanted to die. There seemed to be no other way of exerting control over this fear of pain. I think of Tennyson in 1866, dreaming of folding over his face a handkerchief tenderly perfumed with chloroform ...

But surviving misery with elan is a triumph in itself.

- from The Eclipse: A Memoir of Suicide, by Antonella Gambotto-Burke
Suicide is a big spiritual no-no. You don't take life, and suicide is taking a life. People who commit suicide just don't understand that they have to come back and live through every lesson again, if in a different form. So it's double the grief and for what? Temporary relief from suffering. Remember one thing: suffering is God's grace. No matter how bad things get, remember that.
Renowned clairvoyant Alan Leslie Pilkington
Suicide has always been a matter of grave concern among most religious and spiritual traditions, for it is believed that only God can give and take life. Buddhists believe that taking a life, whether it is your own or that of another living creature, is breaking natural law ... international trance medium Colin Fry has found through his work communicating with the dead that many suicides do see the light when they die but they do not accept it because of their own pain, guilt or despair ... Many who die in this way are not able to liberate themselves from the pain which caused them to commit suicide in the first place.
- from Soul Rescuers: A 21st Century Guide to the Spirit World, by Terry O'Sullivan
The Earth is a place to experience elements and aspects of the human condition we cannot experience anywhere else. It is a place of growth, and growth is never easy. Most people alive today are constantly challenged with worries of survival.
We are bombarded by financial, employment, emotional, or health concerns. Many times these worries are associated with feelings of self-destruction. We think, I can't get through this, or I would be better off dead.
It is quite common for most people to feel suicidal at least once in their lives. However, this feeling comes and goes as situations change. The type of personality who is obsessed by the idea of self-destruction and makes several attempts to end his or her life usually belongs to one of the following categories:
1. A person with a controlling personality, and who feels out of control with his situation;
2. A person who has a very negative self-image. She sees herself as worthless because she feels she contributes nothing to society. She thinks that the planet would be a better place without her;
3. Those who are terminally ill and don't want to go through the pain and suffering of dying; and
4. Those who are mentally ill or have a biochemical imbalance.
It is understandable that because of certain feelings, circumstances, and beliefs, one could find a perfect rationale for doing away with one's life. However, from a spiritual point of view, it is not right. We each have a destiny to which we are born.
Our karmic destiny may last for only one month, or thirty-five years, or eighty years. Before we return to this Earth, we fill ourselves with a strong desire for birth and physical experience, and we enter this world with a timing mechanism built into our psychic web.
When life is cut short, our physical body ceases to exist, but we must understand that the magnetic ties we have to the Earth are still active. These ties are severed only when we have completed our preordained time on the physical plane. For as it is written, every season has its time.
When a person kills himself, one of the first things he realizes is that he is not dead.
He has an overwhelming feeling of being very heavy because the Earth ties are still part of his nature. In a way, we can say the soul is not totally free. The mortal personality dies, but not the immortal soul. The soul remains stuck between the physical world and the spiritual world - alive, but unable to communicate with loved ones or anyone else. The soul feels guilt, pain, and anguish for a life cut short. He learns of his destiny and how beneficial and meaningful his life would have been if he had stayed alive.
In the spiritual state, he becomes aware of why he had to go through the particular experiences that drove him to suicide. He also senses the grief and anger of those he left behind. The most unfortunate circumstance is that he finds himself in a limbo state. He is not able to go to the heaven worlds, nor is he able to return to the physical world. He is stuck in a no-man's land with the constant memory of his horrific act. He sees his death over and over again, and it plays like a bad movie.

He is trapped, and there is no way out of the theater.

While some are conscious of what they have done, many suicide victims may not even be ware that they have passed over. On the whole, these souls automatically relive their final death over and over again. The suicide act becomes an endless loop, and it can be pretty gruesome.
- from Talking to Heaven, by US #1 bestselling author James van Praagh
Suicide is murder, it's as simple as that. Euthanasia is just a pretty word for suicide. Aren't they both an attempt to control suffering? Why is an attempt to control physical suffering 'compassionate' and an attempt to control mental anguish 'unacceptable'? They are both acts against every law of the Universe.
Remember: suicide is just another word for murder, and in attempting suicide, a person is attempting to cold-bloodedly murder the self. And murder is a crime against the soul.
Those who want to kill themselves are attempting to wrest control in the only way they feel is available to them. It's learned helplessness. For whatever reason, they have stopped feeling as if they have any control over their environment, and they are hurt, and they are angry. Above all, they want to escape suffering.
Pain is inescapable, but suffering is optional. What do I mean by that? Well, there are ways of taking control of your life that do not involve hurting yourself - in fact, they involve being kind to yourself. Why? Because you deserve it. You don't feel you deserve it, but you do.
Antonella Gambotto-Burke, author of The Eclipse: A Memoir of Suicide
I also came across a badly marred metal button that a teacher had once given me. on it were written the words, When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. It seemed like I was being left signs everywhere, and I smiled at the thought of just how much lemonade I'd probably be making.
- from The Journey, by Brandon Bays
There are many different reasons behind an act of self-destruction, but the result is the same for all. To this day, I have not had one spirit come through and tell me it is happy with its decision, nor would it commit such an act again.
Quite the contrary. All suicide victims share a sense of regret for the crime against the soul. I can say all of those who have come back have warned others not to repeat their mistakes. The suicide act slowed their spiritual progress, and they had a very difficult time forgiving themselves.
- from Talking to Heaven, by US #1 bestselling author James Van Praagh
The Lord gives us obstacles.
- from Where the Heart Is, starring Natalie Portman
Fortunately, although this conversation left me almost completely devastated, I was, in the end, able to cope with it. This is solely because after my first year at Harvard, when I was feeling a tiny bit down and spent most of my time comparison shopping for the quickest and most painless method of suicide, had gone into therapy. On my first visit, the psychologist asked me some questions about my family, which I answered honestly, not suspecting that our gang was much different from anybody else. Then he asked me how many siblings I had. I'd told him already - seven - but I repeated it.
"Holy mackerel!" he shouted jubilantly. "I'm gonna cash in on this one!"
I think he gave me most of my therapy free.
- from Expecting Adam, by Martha Beck
Even though it might not be clear right now, your light on this earth is needed. There is noone else on earth like you because you are unique. People need you! At a time of loss, you may experience a sense of self-imposed guilt or worthlessness, thinking if only or I should have, but this self-abuse is not necessary. Don't feed into it.
... Tell yourself how much you love and appreciate yourself for being alive and having the strength and courage to go through such an incredible adventure called life.
- from Talking to Heaven, by US #1 bestselling author James Van Praagh
Walking out into the living room, it seemed as if the whole world as I knew it came crashing in around me. nothing was as it seemed. Nothing was certain or real any more. Everything I had thought of as my life had been stripped away, and there was nothing to cling to, nowhere to turn. It felt like free-falling - free-falling into nothingness. No walls to grab onto, and nowhere to land.
The tumour, [my father's suicide], the fire, the IRS, no money, husband leaving, [my daughter] gone - was there anything else that I had thought was my life that could go on?
I felt my ego had been smashed. Here my identity in the world as I knew it - mother, beloved wife, livelihood, even my ability to survive - had been stripped away. Was there nothing certain or permanent in the world? Feeling extremely present and sharply aware, I walked up the stairs to the kitchen to get a glass of water.
As I passed the refrigerator door, a quote our dear friend Robbie had given us strongly caught my eye. The words arrested me. they seemed to leap off the page - Know whatever comes to you unexpected to be a gift from God, which will surely serve you if you use it to the fullest. It is only that which you strive for out of your own imagination that gives you trouble.
I read it three times. The words penetrated me to the core.
- from The Journey, by Brandon Bays
"Anyone you meet could be an angel," she said. "Usually you just see them in passing - they show up to do something and then discarnate again. But sometimes they come the regular way, as babies, and live like other humans for a lifetime. Like your son. I'd imagine a few of them have Down syndrome, but I don't know. It's an interesting question."
By this time I was squinting at her out of one eye and contemplating whether I should ask her about what research methodology she had used to get all this information on angels. Then i remembered that, without any research beyond sitting quietly, she had just accurately described almost everyone I knew. I decided to leave the question alone.
- from Expecting Adam, by Martha Beck

In any event, when suicide occurs, a soul will have to go through and learn the experience again, having to return in another lifetime with the same or similar ailment. Usually, a soul has to exhaust a disease so it can never be affected by it again ...

Because it is the nature of a soul to grow and learn, we always bring into our lives specific situations to overcome and balance out. If we realize that while on Earth it is normal to experience physical, mental, or emotional pain, and suicide does not take away any of it, I believe there would be fewer suicides.

Talking to Heaven, by US #1 bestselling author James van Praagh
Adam was still laughing, the face below his golden hair radiating happiness. It is impossible to look into Adam's face when he smiles this way and not smile back. For some reason, that incredibly contagious grin reminded me of something else Albert Einstein said: the single most important decision any of us will ever have to make is whether or not to believe that the universe is friendly. Adam appears to have made that decision.
- from Expecting Adam, by Martha Beck

The Finnish Reading Centre, funded by the Ministry of Education and Culture, and a major Finnish publisher joined forces in a collection of texts titled The Book That Changed My Life. It consists of 59 declarations of love, awe and gratitude, to 59 books, from the Bible to Stephen King, by 59 readers, some famous, some anonymous. One of those texts is written by a young anonymous woman (born in 1990) and it goes like this:

"It was my first year in upper secondary school in 2006 when I first encountered The Eclipse at the school library. The bright yellow cover seemed to be screaming to me from the shelf and forcing me to pick it up and read the flap copy. Back then I was severely depressed and kept fantasizing about suicide. Just the title of the book provided reason enough for lending it, and I almost ran back to my dorm room to read it.

"I devoured the book, crying. The Eclipse made me think of suicide from a completely different angle; for the first time I considered the impact of my suicide on my loved ones, and I started to hesitate. Thanks to this book, I survived that period of depression without any professional help until the next school year.

"During the second year of upper secondary school, I went back to fantasizing about suicide and, as first aid, read The Eclipse again. Again, it enabled me to take a less selfish approach to suicide. This time the book alone didn't carry me over depression, but it encouraged me to acquire outpatient treatment.

"At the end of that year, depression became disabling and I moved back to my parents’ house. As an outpatient, I began to plan suicide in a more determined manner than before, and before long, I was hospitalized against my will directly from an appointment with a psychologist. When I was allowed to visit home, I grabbed The Eclipse with some other books to take back to the hospital with me - to read, but more than that to bring me a sense of safety. Later, when I moved to another town and ended up in a different psychiatric hospital, The Eclipse followed with me.

"The Eclipse has been my companion through the depths of depression and it has helped me to re-emerge - time after time. It has shown me the other side of suicide - the pain and agony it imposes on loved ones, how deeply it hurts. I could imagine the guilt of my parents, had I killed myself. I could imagine the grief of my closest friends, my siblings crying themselves to sleep. Each time I've read The Eclipse it has become clearer and clearer to me how my suicide would affect my loved ones. It is because of this book that I'm still here - this book spared my loved ones from the crushing grasp of bereavement.

"I would like to express my gratitude to Gambotto-Burke herself: The Eclipse has saved me from suicide four times. Still an outpatient, but still alive. It is my conviction that this book should be available at mental health clinics, psychiatric hospitals and emergency rooms everywhere. It should be recommended to everybody harbouring self-destructive thoughts. Had I not found The Eclipse at the school library, I’d probably have been dead and buried for years by now.”

- from The Book That Changed My Life
"To Mr Harry Potter" said Dumbledore. The room went deadly quiet. "for pure nerve and outstanding courage, I award Gryffindor house sixty points."
- from Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone, by J.K. Rowling

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Take your time to read each page. Copy them and print them up if you feel the need.

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2014 - The Year of Great Rewards