Annie starts snapping pictures of the view.

ALVY

Can you believe this is Christmas here?

VOICES

[Singing] Oh Christmas tree, oh Christmas tree ...

They pass a large house with spacious lawn. Sitting on the lawn is a Santa Claus complete with sleigh and reindeer. Voices continue to sing Christmas carols; Annie continues to take pictures.

ANNIE

You know, it was snowing - it was snowing and really gray in New York yesterday.

ROB

No kidding?

ALVY

Right - well, Santa Claus will have sunstroke.

ROB

Max, there's no crime, there's no mugging.

ALVY

There's no economic crime, you know, but there's - there's ritual, religious - cult murders, you know, there's wheatgerm killers out here.

ROB

While you're out here, Max, I want you to see some of my TV show. And we're invited to a big Christmas party.

They continue driving, now in a less residential area, passing a hot-dog stand. "Tail-Pup" concession; people mill about eating hot dogs.

VOICES

[Singing, louder now] Remember Christ our savior was born on Christmas day to save us all ... from Satan's power as we were gone astray.

They pass a theater, the marquee announcing "House of Exorcism Messiah of Evil. Rated R. Starts at 7:15."

INT. TV CONTROL ROOM. Several monitors line the wall in front of an elaborate console. Rob and Alvy, along with Charlie, the technician, stand in the small room watching the screens showing Rob as a television star on a situation comedy. They chatter, analyzing the footage, over the sounds of the taped television comedy.

ALVY

[Overlapping the chatter] Oh.

ROB

Look, now, Charlie, give me a big laugh here.

ROB ON TV SCREEN

A limousine to the track breakdown?

ROB

[Watching] A little bigger.

TV monitors go black as the technician turns of the monitors to fix the laugh track.

ALVY

Do you realize how immoral this all is?

ROB

Max, I've got a hit series.

ALVY

Yeah, I know; but you're adding fake laughs.

Technicians turn the monitors back on, showing Rob on the screen with another character, Arnie.

ARNIE

Oh, I'm sorry.

ROB ON TV SCREEN

Arnie.

ARNIE

Yeah.

ROB

[Turning to the technician] Give me a tremendous laugh here, Charlie.

ALVY

Look, uh ...

Loud laughter from the TV monitors.

ROB

[To Alvy] We do the show live in front of an audience.

ALVY

Great, but nobody laughs at it 'cause your jokes aren't funny.

ROB

Yeah, well, that's why this machine is dynamite.

ROB ON TV SCREEN

You better lie down. You've been in the sun too long.

ROB

[To the technician] Yeah ... uh, now give me a like a medium-size chuckle here ... and then a big hand.

The sounds of laughter and applause are heard from the TV.

ALVY

[Removing his glasses and rubbing his face] Is there booing on there?

The monitors show a woman on the screen.

WOMAN

We were just gonna fix you up with my cousin Dolores.

ALVY

[Overlapping the TV] Oh, Max, I don't feel well.

ROB

What's the matter?

ALVY

I don't know, I just got - I got very dizzy... [Coughing] I feel dizzy, Max.

ROB

Well, sit down.

ALVY

[Sitting down] Oh, Jesus.

ROB

You all right?

ALVY

I don't know, I mean, I -

ROB

[Crouching before Alvy, looking at him] You wanna lie down?

ALVY

No, no - my, you know, my stomach felt queasy all morning. I just started getting ...

ROB

How about a ginger ale?

ALVY

Oh, Max ... no, I maybe I better lie down.

INT. HOTEL ROOM. Alvy lies in bed, one elbow propped up, a doctor sitting next to him looking concerned. The doctor bolds out a plate of chicken; Alvy listlessly stares at it. Annie, in the background, is on the phone.

ANNIE

[Talking into the phone] Yes.

DOCTOR

[Holding out the food] Why don't you just try to get a little of this down? This is just plain chicken.

ALVY

[Taking a piece of chicken and holding it] Oh, oh, no, I can't - I can't eat this. I'm nauseous. [He gasps and makes sounds] If you could - if you could just give me something to get me through the next two hours, you know I - I have to go out to Burbank ... and give out an award on a TV show.

ANNIE

[On the phone, overlapping the doctor and Alvy] Well ... H-h huh ... Oh, good ... Yes, I'll tell him.

DOCTOR

Well, there's nothing wrong with you actually, so far as I can tell. I mean, you have no fever, no ... no symptoms of anything serious. You haven't been eating pork or shellfish.

Annie hangs up and moves over to Alvy.

ANNIE

[Sitting on the edge of the bed] Excuse me. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, Doctor. Uh, Alvy - Alvy, that was the show. They said everything is fine. They found a replacement, so they're going to tape without you.

ALVY

[Making sounds] I'm nauseous. [He sighs and gasps] Oh, Jesus, now I don't get to do the TV show?

Reacting, Alvy puts up his band in disgust, then starts eating the piece of chicken he has been holding. The doctor and Annie watch him, reacting.

ANNIE

Yeah. Listen, Doctor, I'm worried.

DOCTOR

Now, Mrs. Singer, I can't find anything -

ALVY

Christ!

ANNIE

Nothing at all?

DOCTOR

No, I think I can get a lab man up here.

ALVY

[Grabbing the rest of the chicken from the plate] Oh, Jesus. Can I have the salt, please?

ANNIE

What do you mean? Do you think he's -

DOCTOR

[Handing the salt to Alvy] Yes, excuse me. [To Annie] Perhaps it would be even better if we took him to the hospital for a day or two.

Alvy begins to eat.

ANNIE

Uh-huh ... oh, hospital?

DOCTOR

Well, otherwise, there's no real way to tell what's going on.

ALVY

[Making sounds, gasping] This is not bad, actually.

AEXT. BEVERLY HILLS STREET RESIDENTIAL AREA - DAY Rob, Annie and Alvy in Rob's car pull into a long circular driveway as an attendant walks over to the car. A sprawling house is seen to the right; a couple moves toward the front door, and the driveway is crowded with other parked cars. Loud music is heard.

ALVY

[Getting out of the car] Hey, don't tell me we're gonna hafta walk from the car to the house. Geez, my feet haven't touched pavement since I reached Los Angeles.

INT. HOUSE A Hollywood Christmas party is in session, complete with music, milling people, circulating waiters bolding out trays of drinks. It's all very casual. French doors run the entire width of one wall; they are opened to the back lawn, guests move from the room to outside and back in. It is crowded; bits of conversation and clinking glasses can be heard. Two men, California-tanned, stand by the French doors talking.

1ST MAN

Well, you take a meeting with him, I'll take a meeting with you if you'll take a meeting with Freddy.

2ND MAN

I took a meeting with Freddy. Freddy took a meeting with Charlie. You take a meeting with him.

1ST MAN

All the good meetings are taken.

CUT TO: FULL GROUP SHOT A man stands talking, people in groups behind him. Two born like gadgets are attached to his shoulders; he's wearing a bizarre space costume.

3RD MAN

Right now it's only a notion, but I think I can get money to make it into a concept ... and later turn it into an idea.

CUT TO: Alvy and Rob stand near the French doors leading to the back lawn, eating and drinking and watching the people walking in and out of the house.

ROB

You like this house, Max?

ALVY

M'hm.

ROB

I even brought a road map to get us to the bathroom.

ALVY

Whee, you shoulda told me it was Tony Lacey's party.

ROB

What difference does that make?

Alvy looks into the room, where Annie and Tony Lacey are having an animated conversation.

ALVY

I think he has a little thing for Annie.

ROB

Oh, no, no, that's bullshit, Max. He goes with that girl over there.

ALVY

Where?

Rob nods his head toward a tall woman dressed all in white conversing with a group of people.

ROB

The one with the VPL..

ALVY

VPL.?

ROB

Visible panty line. Max, she is gorgeous.

ALVY

Yeah, she's a ten, Max, and that's great for you because you're - you're used to twos, aren't you?

ROB

There are no twos, Max.

ALVY

Yeah, you're used to the kind with the - with the shopping bags walking through Central Park with the surgical masks on, muttering.

ROB

M'hm.

ALVY

And ... uh -

ROB

[Interrupting] How do you like this couple, Max?

A couple moves over toward Rob and Alvy. The man's arm is around the woman; they stand very close. In the background, Annie and Tony are still talking.

ROB

And I think they just came back from Masters and Johnson.

ALVY

Yeah, intensive care ward. [Watching the woman in white] My God - hey, Max, I think she's ... I think she's giving me the eye.

As Rob and Alvy observe the guests, the woman in white starts walking toward them.

ROB

If she comes over here, Max, my brain is going to turn into guacamole.

ALVY

I'll handle it. I'll handle it. Hi.

GIRL IN WHITE

You're Alvy Singer, right? Didn't we meet at EST?

ALVY

[Reacting] EST? No, no, I was never at EST.

GIRL IN WHITE

Then how can you criticize it?

ALVY

Oh.

ROB

Oh, he - he didn't say anything.

ALVY

[Laughing] No, no, I came out here to get some shock therapy, but there was an energy crisis, so I ... He's my - my food taster. Have you two met?

ROB

[Shaking his head] Hi. How do you do.

GIRL IN WHITE

Do you taste to see if the food's poisoned?

ALVY

Yeah, he's crazy.

The girl in white laughs.

ALVY

[Looking at Rob and the girl] Hey, you guys are wearin' white. It must be in the stars.

ROB

Yeah. Right.

ALVY

Uri Geller must be on the premises someplace.

ROB

We're gonna operate together.

Rob and the girl walk of together as the camera moves in on Tony and Annie standing by the buffet table.

TONY

We just need about six weeks, in about six weeks we could cut a whole album.

ANNIE

I don't know, this is strange to me, you know.

TONY

Just ... that's all you need. You can come and stay here.

ANNIE

Oh.

TONY

There's a whole wing in this house.

ANNIE

[Laughing] Oh yeah, stay here? Uh-huh.

TONY

You can have it to use. Why - why are you smiling?

ANNIE

[Laughing] I don't know. I don't know. She picks up an hors d'oeuvre.

CUT TO: The two men still talking about meetings surrounded by other groups of people milling about.

1ST MAN

Not only is he a great agent, but he really gives good meetings.

2ND MAN

M'mm.

Tony, hand in hand with the girl in white, is leaving the party room with Alvy and Annie to show them the rest of the house.

TONY

This is a great house, really. Everything. Saunas, Jacuzzis, three tennis courts. You know who the original owners were? Nelson Eddy, then Legs Diamond. Then you know who lived here?

ALVY

Trigger.

Annie and the girl in white laugh.

TONY

Charlie Chaplin.

ALVY

Hey.

TONY

Right before his un-American thing.

They stop in a den-like screening room. A man is slouched back on one of the comfortable sofas that fill the room. It is much quieter in here; a contrast to the noise and crowd downstairs.

ALVY

Yeah, this place is great.

ANNIE

Yeah.

TONY

Uh, you guys are still - uh, you're still New Yorkers.

ALVY

Yeah, I love it there.

ANNIE

[Laughing] Yeah.

TONY

Well, I used to live there. I used to live there for years. You know, but it's gotten - it's so dirty now.

ANNIE

Yeah.

ALVY

I'm into garbage. It's my thing.

ANNIE

Boy, this is really a nice screening room. It's really a nice room.

TONY

Oh, and there's another thing about New York. See ... you - you wanna see a movie, you have to stand in a long line.

ANNIE

Yeah.

TONY

It could be freezing, it could be raining.

ANNIE

Yeah.

TONY

And here, you just -

GIRL IN WHITE

We saw "Grand Illusion" here last night.

ALVY AND ANNIE

[In unison] Oh, yeah?

MAN ON THE SOFA

[Looking over his shoulder at the group] That's a great film if you're high. [The group laughs, looking down at the man on the sofa. He looks up at them, smiling, a joint in his hand, and offers them a cigarette] Hey, you.

TONY

[Shaking his head no] Come and see our bedroom. We did a fantastic lighting job. Okay?

ANNIE

Oh, good. Okay.

ALVY

I'm cool.

Tony and the girl in white leave the room, Annie and Alvy following.

ANNIE

[Taking Alvy's arm] It's wonderful. I mean, you know they just watch movies all day.

ALVY

Yeah, and gradually you get old and die. You know it's important to make a little effort once in a while.

ANNIE

Don't you think his girlfriend's beautiful?

ALVY

Yeah, she's got a great-lookin' fa- a tad on the androgynous side. But it's ...

They pass a man talking on the phone in the hallway.

MAN ON THE PHONE

Yeah, yeah. I forgot my mantra.

As they come down stairs the party is still in big gear. People are looser now; conversations are more animated, some talk quietly in more intimate corners, some couples are dancing. Alvy stands alone sipping a drink near the huge Christmas tree. A tall woman, passing by, shakes his hand, then leaves. He continues to sip his drink, alone, watching Tony and Annie in the center of the room dancing. The screen shows a plane in flight, Los Angeles far below, then:

CUT TO: AIRPLANE. INT. AIRPLANE Annie and Alvy sit, the stewardess behind them serving other passengers. Annie stares out the window bolding a coffee cup; Alvy reads. Both are preoccupied, thinking their own thoughts.

ANNIE'S VOICE-OVER

[To herself] That was fun. I don't think California is bad at all. It's a drag coming home.

ALVY'S VOICE-OVER

[To himself] Lotta beautiful women. It was fun to flirt.

ANNIE'S VOICE-OVER

[As she sips coffee] I have to face facts. I - I adore Alvy, but our relationship doesn't seem to work anymore.

ALVY'S VOICE-OVER

[An open magazine lies in his lap] I'll have the usual trouble with Annie in bed tonight. Whatta I need this?

ANNIE'S VOICE-OVER

If only I had the nerve to break up, but it would really hurt him.

ALVY'S VOICE-OVER

If only I didn't feel guilty asking Annie to move out. It'd probably wreck her. But I should be honest.

He looks over at Annie.

ANNIE

[Looking back at Alvy] Alvy, uh, let's face it. You know something, don't think our relationship is working.

ALVY

Tsch, I know. A relationship, I think, is - is like a shark, you know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies. [He sighs] And I think what we got on our hands [clearing his throat] is a dead shark.

INT. ALVY'S LIVING ROOM - DAY A lighted Christmas tree stands in the middle of boxes, books, and the general disarray of packing and figuring out what belongs to whom as Alvy helps Annie move out.

ALVY

[Holding up a book] Whose Catcher in the Rye is this?

ANNIE

[Walking into the room with an armload of books] Well, let's see now ... if it has my name on it, then I guess it's mine.

ALVY

[Reacting] Oh, it sure has ... you know, you wrote your name in all my books, 'cause you knew this day was gonna come.

ANNIE

[Putting down the books and flipping back her hair] Well, uh, Alvy, you wanted to break up just as much as I do.

ALVY

[Riffling through the books] There's no - no question in my mind. I think we're doing the mature thing, without any doubt.

ANNIE

[Holding a framed picture and moving about] Now, look, all the books on death and dying are yours and all the poetry books are mine.

ALVY

[Looking down at a book] This Denial of Death. You remember this?

ANNIE

Oh -

ALVY

This is the first book that I got you.

Annie goes over to Alvy. They both look down at the book; the fireplace, burning nicely, is behind them.

ANNIE

- God.

ALVY

Remember that day?

ANNIE

Right. Geez, I feel like there's a great weight off my back. M'mmm.

ALVY

Thanks, honey.

ANNIE

[Patting Alvy's shoulder] Oh, no, no, no, no, no. I mean, you know, no, no, no, I mean, I think it's really important for us to explore new relationships and stuff like that.

She walks away.

ALVY

There's no-there's no question about that, 'cause we've given this ... uh, uh, I think a more than fair shot, you know?

He tosses the book into the carton.

ANNIE

[Off screen] Yeah, my analyst thinks this move is keen for me.

ALVY

[Off screen] Yeah, and I - I tru- you know, I trust her, because my - my analyst recommended her.

ANNIE

[Walking in with another armload of books] Well, why should I put you through all my moods and hang-ups anyway?

ALVY

Right. And you - and you know what the beauty part is?

ANNIE

What?

ALVY

[Holding a small box of buttons] We can always come back together again. Because there's no - there's no problem. 'Cause ... right.

ANNIE

[Overlapping] Exactly, but ... exactly. Ooooh!

ALVY

You know, I - I - I don't think many couples could handle this. You know, they could just break up and remain friends.

ANNIE

[Taking a button from a box] Hey, this one's mine, this button. This one, you rem-

ALVY

[Interrupting] Yeah.

ANNIE

I guess these are all yours. Impeach, uh, Eisenhower ... Impeach Nixon ... Impeach Lyndon Johnson ... Impeach Ronald Reagan.

EXT. NEW YORK CITY STREET-DAY People milling about on the sidewalk as Alvy walks out of a store and moves toward the foreground.

ALVY

[Into the camera, to the audience] I miss Annie. I made a terrible mistake. A couple, walking down the street, stops as the man talks to Alvy.

MAN ON THE STREET

She's living in Los Angeles with Tony Lacey.

ALVY

Oh, yeah? Well, if she is, then the hell with her! If she likes that lifestyle, let her live there! He's a jerk, for one thing.

MAN ON THE STREET

He graduated Harvard.

ALVY

Yeah. He may - listen, Harvard makes mistakes too, you know. Kissinger taught there.

The couple strolls away as an older woman walks up to Alvy while others walk by.

OLD WOMAN

Don't tell me you're jealous?

ALVY

Yeah, jealous. A little bit like Medea. Lemme, lemme - can I show you something, lady? [He takes a small item from his pocket to show the woman] What I have here ... I found this in the apartment. Black soap. She used to wash her face eight hundred times a day with black soap. Don't ask me why.

OLD WOMAN

Well, why don't you go out with other women?

ALVY

Well, I - I tried, but it's, uh, you know, it's very depressing.

RECENT FLASHBACK - INT. ALVY'S COUNTRY KITCHEN Alvy's arms and legs fill the screen as he slowly gets up from the floor bolding up a live lobster. He puts it on a grill tray.

ALVY

[Pointing to the lobster] This always happens to me. Quick, g-go get a broom.

His date, a girl wearing short shorts, leans against the sink and lights a cigarette. She makes no move to help.

GIRL DATE

[Smoking] What are you making such a big deal about? [As she talks, the lobster drops from the tray to the floor. Alvy jumps away, then gingerly scrapes the tray toward the lobster] They're only lobsters. Look, you're a grown man, you know how to pick up a lobster.

ALVY

[Looking up in stooped-over position] I'm not myself since I stopped smoking.

GIRL DATE

[Still leaning against the sink, her hand on her hip] Oh, when'd you quit smoking?

He gets off the floor with the lobster on the tray.

ALVY

Sixteen years ago.

GIRL DATE

[Puzzled] Whatta you mean?

ALVY

[Mocking] Mean?

GIRL DATE

You stopped smoking sixteen years ago, is that what you said? Oh, I - I don't understand. Are you joking, or what?

CUT TO: A solitary Alvy walking along the FDR Drive where he had walked with Annie. The New York skyline is still in the background, the sea gulls go by, the fog horn blows. He walks slowly, moving off screen.

INT. ALVY'S BEDROOM - DAY Alvy sits on his bed talking on the phone.

ALVY

Listen, honey, Central Park's turning green ... Yeah, I sa- I saw that lunatic that we - where we used to see ... with the, uh, uh, pinwheel hat and, you know, and the roller skates? . . . Listen, I - I want you to come back here ... Well, I - I - then I'm gonna come out there and getcha.

CUT TO: An airborne plane.

CUT TO: EXT. LOS ANGELES AIRPORT. People milling about as Alvy, in the outside phonebooth center, talks.

ALVY

Whatta you mean, where am I? Where do - where do you think I am? I'm - I'm out ... I'm at the Los Angeles Airport. I flew in ... [Sniffling] Tsch, I - well, I flew in to see you ... [Muttering] Hey, listen, can we not debate this on - on the telephone because I'm, you know, I - I feel that I got a temperature and I'm - I'm getting my - my chronic Los Angeles nausea. I - I don't feel so good. Alvy's conversation is still heard as the screen shows him behind the wheel of a car on a busy street; he causes a near-accident by jerking the car too slowly toward an intersection.

ALVY'S VOICE-OVER

Well, where - wherever you wanna meet, I don't care. I'll - I'll drive in. I rented a car I'm driving ... that ... Whatta you mean? What - why is that such a miracle? I'm driving myself -

EXT. OUTDOOR CAFE - DAY People sit at umbrellaed tables with checkered tablecloths at a Sunset Boulevard outdoor cafe. Street traffic goes by while they dine. There's a mild California breeze. The restaurant is somewhat crowded as Alvy makes his way around the tables looking about. He finally sits down at an empty table; nearby sits a woman with a younger man. A waitress brings Alvy a menu and waits for his order.

ALVY

[To the waitress] I'm gonna ... I'm gonna have the alfalfa sprouts and, uh, a plate of mashed yeast.

Annie, wearing a flowered dress and wide hat, moves into view. Alvy, noticing her, watches as she walks over to his table. He rises and they shake hands.

ANNIE

Hi.

Alvy wipes at his nose as he stares. He smiles, the street traffic moving behind him. Annie smiles back.

ALVY

You look very pretty.

ANNIE

Oh, no, I just lost a little weight, that's all. [Alvy adjusts his glasses, not exactly knowing where to start; a bit uneasy] Well, you look nice.

ALVY

[Nodding his head] You see, I - I've been thinking about it and I think that we should get married.

ANNIE

[Adjusting her sunglasses] Oh, Alvy, come on.

ALVY

Why? You wanna live out here all year? It's like living in Munchkin Land.

ANNIE

[Looking around] Well, whatta you mean? I mean, it's perfectly fine out here. I mean, Tony's very nice and, uh, well, I meet people and I go to parties and - and we play tennis. I mean, that's ... that's a very big step for me, you know? I mean ... [Reacting, Alvy looks down at his hands, then up] I'm able to enjoy people more.

ALVY

[Sadly] So whatta you ... you're not gonna come back to New York?

ANNIE

[Smiling] What's so great about New York? I mean, it's a dying city. You read Death in Venice.

ALVY

Hey, you didn't read Death in Venice till I bought it for yuh.

ANNIE

That's right, that's right. [Still smiling] You only gave me books with the word "death" in the titles.

ALVY

[Nodding his head and gesturing] That's right, 'cause it's an important issue.

ANNIE

Alvy, you're incapable of enjoying life, you know that? I mean, your life is New York City. You're just this person. You're like this island unto yourself.

ALVY

[Toying with his car keys] I can't enjoy anything unless I ... unless everybody is. I - you know, if one guy is starving someplace, that's ... you know, I - I ... it puts a crimp in my evening. [Looking down at his hands, sadly] So wanna get married or what?

ANNIE

[Seriously] No. We're friends. I wanna remain friends.

ALVY

[In disbelief] Okay. [Louder, to the waitress] Check, please. Can I - can I ... can I ... can I ...

ANNIE

[Interrupting] You're mad, aren't you?

ALVY

[Shaking his head] No. [Then nodding] Yes, of course I'm mad, because you love me, I know that.

ANNIE

Alvy, I can't say that that's true at this point in my life. I really just can't say that that's true. I mean, you know how wonderful you are. I mean, you know ... you're the reason that I got outta my room and that I was able to sing, and-and-and, you know, get more in touch with my feelings and all that crap. Anyway, look, I don't wanna - Listen, listen, listen, uh ... [laughing] h'h, so whatta you up to anyway, huh?

ALVY

[Shrugging his shoulders] The usual, you know. Uh, tryin' t'write. I'm workin' on a play. [Sighing] Jesus. So whatta yuh saying? That you're not comin' back to New York with me?

He shakes his head in disbelief.

ANNIE

No! [Pauses] Look, I gotta go.

She starts to rise.

ALVY

You mean that ... [He gets up and starts following her past diners at other tables] I - I - I - I flew three thousand miles to see you.

ANNIE

I'm late.

ALVY

Air miles, you know. I mean, you know what that does to my stomach?

They move down the steps of the cafe toward the parking lot.

ANNIE

If you must know, it's a hectic time for Tony. The Grammys are tonight.

ALVY

The what?

ANNIE

The Grammys. He's got a lotta records up for awards.

ALVY

You mean they give awards for that kind o' music?

ANNIE

Oh!

ALVY

I thought just earplugs.

Annie gets into her car. Alvy moves over to his rented convertible.

ANNIE

Just forget it, Alvy, okay? Let's just forget the conversation.

She closes the door, starts the motor.

ALVY

[Yelling after her] Awards! They do nothing but give out awards! I can't believe it. Greatest, greatest fascist dictator, Adolf Hitler!

Annie drives away. Alvy gets behind the wheel, starts the motor. Putting the car in gear, he inadvertently moves forward, hitting a bunch of trash cans with a loud crash. Putting the car in reverse, Alvy notices a beige car that has just turned into the parking lot. For a brief moment, the screen shows a flashback of the bumper-car ride at the Brooklyn amusement park. Alvy's father is on the Platform directing traffic; young Alvy is in a small car bumping others right and left.

Alvy, hack in the parking lot, backs up his convertible, purposefully smashing the side of the beige car as another flashback of bumper- car ride appears, this time as Alvy's father directs traffic -a Marine in a small car bits the back end of a soldier's car, and Alvy, back in the parking lot, moves his car over to another parked car and bits it full force.

Another flashback appears. people in the small cars really racing around the track now, bumping into one another over and over again, Alvy's father directing the flow, as the film cuts back to the parking lot, where Alvy reverses the convertible and rams it into the front end of yet another car. He sits behind the wheel as people rush out of various cars and as sirens start blaring, coming closer and closer, stopping finally as a motorcycle cop gets off beside Alvy's car and walks over to him.

ALVY

[Getting out of the car] Officer, I know what you're gonna say. I'm - I'm not a great driver, you know, I - I have some problems with - with - with -

OFFICER

[Interrupting] May I see your license, please?

ALVY

Sure. [Searching, he finally fishes his license out of his pocket] just don't - don't get angry, you know what I mean? 'Cause I - I have - I have my - my license here. You know, it's a rented car. And I've ...

He drops the license and it falls to the ground.

OFFICER

Don't give me your life story [Looking at the piece of paper on the ground] - just pick up the license.

ALVY

Pick up the license. You have to ask nicely 'cause I've had an extremely rough day. You know, my girl friend -

OFFICER

[Interrupting] Just give me the license, please.

ALVY

Since you put it that way. [He laughs] It's hard for me to refuse. [He leans over, picks up the license, then proceeds to rip it up. He lets the pieces go; they float to the ground] ... have a ...I have a terrific problem with authority, you know. I'm ... it's not your fault. Don't take it personal.

CUT TO: INT. JAIL-CELLS CORRIDOR. A guard moves down the ball to the cell where, Alvy stands with other inmates. He unlocks the door and opens it, letting Alvy out.

ALVY

So long, fellas. Keep in touch.

He walks down the corridor off screen.

EXT. A STREET IN FRONT OF THE COURT HOUSE - DAY Policemen are walking up and down the courthouse steps as Alvy and Rob move out the door of the building, down the steps to the street.

ROB

Imagine my surprise when I got your call, Max.

ALVY

[Carrying his jacket over his shoulder] Yeah. I had the feeling that I got you at a bad moment. You know, I heard high-pitched squealing.

They walk over to Rob's convertible and get in.

ROB

[Starting the car] Twins, Max. Sixteen-year-olds. Can you imagine the mathematical possibilities?

ALVY

[Reacting] You're an actor, Max. You should be doing Shakespeare in the Park.

ROB

Oh, I did Shakespeare in the Park, Max. I got mugged. I was playing Richard the Second and two guys with leather jackets stole my leotard.

He puts on an elaborate helmet and goggles.

ALVY

[Looking at Rob's helmet] Max, are we driving through plutonium?

ROB

Keeps out the alpha rays, Max. You don't get old.

CUT TO: INT. REHEARSAL HALL OF A THEATER. An actor and actress sit on hard wooden chairs in a sparse rehearsal ball. They face each other. The actress resembles Annie; the actor, Alvy.

ACTOR

You're a thinking person. How can you choose this lifestyle?

ACTRESS

What is so incredibly great about New York? It's a dying city! You - you read Death in Venice.

ACTOR

You didn't read Death in Venice 'til I gave it to you!

ACTRESS

Well, you only give me books with the word "death" in the title.

The camera pulls back, showing Alvy sitting with two men at a table set up near the actors. A mirror, running the whole width of the wall, reflects the two actors, a script lying on the table between them. It is obvious now that they are rehearsing a scene that Alvy wrote.

ACTOR

[In mirrored reflection] It's an important issue.

ACTRESS

[In mirrored reflection] Alvy, you are totally incapable of enjoying life.

The camera moves back to actual actor and actress.

ACTRESS

You're like New York. You're an island.

ACTOR

[Rising with emotion] Okay, if that's all that we've been through together means to you, I guess it's better if we just said goodbye, once and for all! You know, it's funny, after all the serious talks and passionate moments that it ends here ... in a health-food restaurant on Sunset Boulevard. Goodbye, Sunny.

The actor begins to leave as the actress jumps up from her chair.

ACTRESS

Wait! I'm - I'm gonna ... go with you. [The actor comes back. They embrace] I love you.

The camera cuts to Alvy, who turns and looks straight into the camera.

ALVY

[To the audience, gesturing] Tsch, whatta you want? It was my first play. You know, you know how you're always tryin' t' get things to come out perfect in art because, uh, it's real difficult in life. Interestingly, however, I did run into Annie again. It was on the Upper West Side of Manhattan.

Annie, singing "Seems Like Old Times, " overlaps Alvy's speech and continues over the next scene, where Alvy, standing in front of a Manhattan theater, shakes hands with Annie and her escort. The theater marquee reads "OPHULS PRIZE FILM: 'THE SORROW AND THE PITY'."

ALVY'S VOICE

[Over the theater scene and, Annie's singing] She had moved back to New York. She was living in SoHo with some guy. [Laughing] And when I met her she was, of all things, dragging him in to see "The Sorrow and the Pity." Which I counted as a personal triumph. Annie and I ... [Alvy's voice continues over the scene shot through a window of Manhattan cafe showing Alvy and Annie sitting at a table, laughing and enjoying themselves] ... we had lunch sometime after that, and, uh, just, uh, kicked around old times.

A series of flashbacks following in quick succession while Annie continues to sing: Annie and Alvy going up the FDR Drive, the day they met playing tennis, Annie driving, Alvy bolding up partially eaten sandwich. Annie and Alvy in the Hamptons house kitchen, Annie banding a live lobster to Alvy, who drops it in the pot on the stove. Annie and Alvy walking side by side by the shoreline. Alvy at the tennis club, packing his bag, as he looks over his shoulder and sees Annie, hands on her face, then clapping, as she offers him a ride home in her car. Annie opening the door to Alvy the night he came over to kill the spider; Annie and, Alvy in the bookstore buying the "death" titles; Annie and, Alvy in their Hamptons house, Annie reading a school catalogue, the night Alvy puts in the red light.

The memories continue to flash on the screen: Annie and Alvy at a friend's house, Alvy blowing the cocaine all over the sofa; Annie and Alvy playing tennis; Annie and Alvy having a picture taken backstage at the college performance in Annie's hometown; Alvy bolding Annie close, the night he came over to kill the spider. And continue: Annie carrying her luggage and clothes into Alvy's bedroom, Alvy following, the day she first moved into his apartment. Annie holding up her sexy birthday present from Alvy, then leaning over and kissing him; Annie and Alvy walking down a city street, holding each other close; sitting on the park bench, observing the people; and kissing, on the FDR Drive, the New York City skyline behind them.

The music stops. Returning to the present, the camera, focusing through the cafe window, shows Annie and Alvy across street. They look about at the city traffic. Lunch is over; it's time. Alvy and Annie shake hands and kiss each other friendly like. Annie crosses the street, Alvy watching her go. Then he turns, and slowly walks down the street off screen. His voice is heard over the scene:

ALVY'S VOICE-OVER

After that it got pretty late. And we both hadda go, but it was great seeing Annie again, right? I realized what a terrific person she was and - and how much fun it was just knowing her and I - I thought of that old joke, you know, this - this - this guy goes to a psychiatrist and says, "Doc, uh, my brother's crazy. He thinks he's a chicken." And, uh, the doctor says, "Well, why don't you turn him in?" And the guy says, "I would, but I need the eggs." Well, I guess that's pretty much how how I feet about relationships. You know, they're totally irrational and crazy and absurd and ... but, uh, I guess we keep goin' through it because, uh, most of us need the eggs.

THE END
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