| They are now approaching the Pullman car reserved for the girls' orchestra.
Girl musicians, with instruments and luggage, are boarding the car,
supervised by Sweet Sue and Bienstock.
JERRY
[stopping in his tracks] It's no use. We'll never get away with it,
Joe.
JOE
The name is Josephine. And it was your idea in the first place.
Just then, a member of the girls' band comes hurrying past them, carrying
a valise and ukulele case. Her name is SUGAR. What can we say about
Sugar, except that she is the dream girl of every red-blooded American
male. As she undulates past them, Jerry looks after her with dismay.
JERRY
Who are we kidding? Look at that - look how she moves - it's like jello
on springs - they must have some sort of a built-in motor. I tell you,
it's a whole different sex.
JOE
What are you afraid of? Nobody's asking you to have a baby. This is
just to get out of town. The minute we hit Florida, we'll blow this
set-up.
JERRY
This time I'm not going to let you talk me into something that ...
A newsboy approaches along the platform, peddling his papers.
NEWSBOY
Extra! Extra! Seven Slaughtered in North Side Garage! Fear Blood Aftermath!
JERRY
[to Joe, promptly] You talked me into it! Come on, Josephine.
JOE
Attagirl, Geraldine.
They hurry toward the Pullman car, imitating the jello-on-springs movement
as well as they can. At the Pullman car, Sue and Bienstock are checking
in the girl musicians as they are boarding.
SUE
Hi, Mary Lou - Rosella - Okay, Dolores, get a move on - How's your back,
Olga?
BIENSTOCK
[checking list] Clarinet - drums - trumpet - trombone -
Joe and Jerry come mincing up. [NOTE: From here on in, the two will
speak with girls' voices whenever the situation calls for it.]
JOE
Well, here we are.
SUE
You two from the Poliakoff Agency?
JOE
Yes, we're the new girls.
JERRY
Brand new.
SUE
This is our manager, Mr. Bienstock. I'm Sweet Sue.
JOE
My name is Josephine.
JERRY
And I'm Daphne.
This is completely out of left field. Joe throws him a sharp look. Jerry
smiles back brightly.
BIENSTOCK
[checking list] Saxophone, bass - Am I glad to see you girls. You saved
our lives.
JOE
Likewise, I'm sure.
SUE
Where did you girls play before?
JERRY
Oh - here and there - and around.
JOE
We spent three years at the Sheboygan Conservatory of Music.
From OFF comes the voice of the Conductor: "All aboard!"
BIENSTOCK
You're in Berths 7 and 7A.
JERRY
[his idea of a lady] Thank you ever so.
BIENSTOCK
You're welcome.
JERRY
It's entirely mutual.
Joe has already boarded the car. As Jerry starts up the steps, he stumbles.
Bienstock helps him up, with a little pat on the behind.
BIENSTOCK
Upsy-daisy.
JERRY
[coyly] Fresh!
Joe jerks him up into the vestibule before this nonsense gets out of
hand.
BIENSTOCK
[takes off glasses, puts them in pocket] Looks like Poliakoff came through
with a couple of real ladies.
JOE
You better tell the other girls to watch their language.
She and Bienstock mount the steps of the Pullman. The porter picks up
the yellow footstep, hops aboard as the train starts moving.
16. INT. PULLMAN CAR - NIGHT.
16. As Joe and Jerry come in from the vestibule, Joe grabs Jerry, holds
him against the baggage rack.
JOE
[an angry whisper] DAPHNE?
JERRY
I never did like the name Geraldine.
As Sue and Bienstock appear from the vestibule, Joe lets go of Jerry,
and they move down the aisle into the Pullman car proper. The girl musicians
are all there, except for Sugar. They are removing their coats, settling
themselves in their seats, putting away their instruments and baggage.
They are all blonde, they are young, and most of them are pretty. They
look like a band of angels - but don't you believe it.
JERRY
[the good neighbor] Hello, everybody. I'm the bass fiddle. Just call
me Daphne.
JOE
I'm Josephine. Sax.
There is a slew of general hellos.
MARY LOU
Welcome to No Man's Land.
GIRLS
[in chorus] You'll be sorrrrrr-ry!
ROSELLA
Take your corsets off and spread out.
JERRY
Oh, I never wear one.
OLGA
Don't you bulge?
JERRY
Oh, no. I have the most divine little seamstress that comes in once
a month - and my dear, she's so inexpensive -
JOE
Come on, Daphne.
DOLORES
Say, kids, have you heard the one about the girl tuba player that was
stranded on a desert island with a one-legged jockey?
JERRY
No - how does it go?
BIENSTOCK
[coming up] Now cut that out, girls-none of that rough talk. [as Joe
and Jerry move off] They went to a conservatory.
There is a general horse-laugh from the girls. Joe and Jerry have now
reached their seats, and are taking off their coats.
JERRY
[in a delighted whisper] How about that talent? This is like falling
into a tub of butter.
JOE
Watch it, Daphne!
JERRY
When I was a kid, I used to have a dream - I was locked up in this pastry
shop overnight - with all kinds of goodies around - jelly rolls and
mocha eclairs and sponge cake and Boston cream pie and cherry tarts
-
JOE
Listen, stupe - no butter and no pastry. We're on a diet!
Jerry starts to hang his coat across a cord running above the window.
JOE
[grabbing him] Not there - that's the emergency brake.
JERRY
[clutching bosom] Now you've done it!
JOE
Done what?
JERRY
Tore off one of my chests.
JOE
You'd better go fix it.
JERRY
You better come help me.
Jerry leads the way toward the rest rooms, which are just beyond their
seat. Instinctively he heads for the one marked MEN. Joe grabs him,
steers him back toward the one marked WOMEN.
JOE
This way, Daphne.
JERRY
[clasping his chest desperately] Now you tore the other one.
Joe opens the curtain, propels him inside.
17. INT. WOMEN'S LOUNGE.
17. There is another customer there - Sugar. She has one leg up on the
leather settee, her skirt is slightly raised, and she is about to remove
a small silver flask tucked under her garter. As Jerry and Joe come
in, she guiltily pulls her skirt down.
SUGAR
OH!
JERRY
[arms folded across chest] Terribly sorry.
SUGAR
[relieved] That's all right. I was afraid it was Sweet Sue. You won't
tell anybody, will you?
JOE
Tell what?
SUGAR
[taking the flask out and unscrewing the cap] If they catch me once
more, they'll boot me out of the band. [pours a drink into a paper cup]
You the replacement for the bass and the sax?
JERRY
That's us. I'm Daphne - and this is Josephine.
SUGAR
I'm Sugar Cane. I changed it. It used to be Sugar Kowalczyk.
JERRY
Polish?
SUGAR
Yes. I come from a very musical family. My mother is a piano teacher
and my father was a conductor.
JOE
Where did he conduct?
SUGAR
On the Baltimore and Ohio.
JOE
Oh.
SUGAR
I play the ukulele. And I sing too.
JERRY
[to Jerry] She sings, too.
SUGAR
I don't really have much of a voice - but then it's not much of a band,
either. I'm only with 'em because I'm running away.
JOE
Running away? From what?
SUGAR
Don't get me started on that. [extending flask] Want a drink? It's bourbon.
As Jerry reaches for it, his bosom starts to slip again, and he quickly
refolds his arms.
JERRY
We'll take a rain check.
SUGAR
[downs cupful of bourbon] I don't want you to think that I'm a drinker.
I can stop any time I want to - only I don't want to. Especially when
I'm blue.
JOE
We understand.
SUGAR
All the girls drink - but I'm the one that gets caught. That's the story
of my life. I always get the fuzzy end of the lollipop.
She has screwed the cap back on the flask, and now slips it under her
garter.
SUGAR
Are my seams straight?
JERRY
[examining her legs] I'll say.
SUGAR
See you around, girls.
She waves and exits into the Pullman car.
JERRY
Bye, Sugar. [to Joe] We been playing with the wrong bands.
JOE
Down, Daphne!
JERRY
How about the shape of that liquor cabinet?
Joe spins him around, and unbuttoning the back of his dress, starts
to fix the slipped brassiere.
JOE
Forget it. One false move, and they'll toss us off the train - there'll
be the police, and the papers, and the mob in Chicago ...
JERRY
[not listening] Boy, would I like to borrow a cup of that Sugar.
JOE
[whirling him around, grabbing the front of his dress] Look - no butter,
no pastry, and no Sugar!
JERRY
[looking down at his chest, pathetically] You tore it again!
DISSOLVE: 18. EXT. LOCOMOTIVE WHEELS - NIGHT. 18.
The wheels are pounding along the track, accompanied by a spirited rendition
of RUNNING WILD.
19. INT. PULLMAN CAR - NIGHT.
19. At one end of the car, Sweet Sue and her Society Syncopators are
beating out RUNNING WILD. It is a special rehearsal to break in the
two new girls, Josephine and Daphne. The other girls, including Sugar
on the ukulele, are really swinging. But Joe and Jerry are playing in
a dainty ultra-refined manner, so as not to give themselves away. Sue,
who is conducting from the aisle, raps her baton against a seat. The
girls stop playing.
SUE
[to Joe and Jerry] Hey, Sheboygan - you two - what was your last job
- playing square dances?
JOE
No - funerals.
SUE
Would you mind rejoining the living? Goose it up a little.
JERRY
We'll try.
Sue is about to give the downbeat, when her eyes fall on Jerry's bass
fiddle. There is a neat row of bullet holes across the face of the instrument.
SUE
How did those holes get there?
JERRY
[looking down] Oh - those. I don't know. [tentatively] Mice?
JOE
[quickly] We got it second-hand.
SUE
All right - lets take it from the top. And put a little heat under it,
will you?
She brings the baton down, and the girls start playing again. This time
Joe and Jerry give it both knees - Joe going for a wild ride on the
sax, and Jerry slapping and twirling the bass like a girl possessed.
Sue cocks her eyebrows, amazed by the hepness of the two conservatory
cats. Now it is time for Sugar's solo. She steps forward with the ukulele,
and starts to sing a hot chorus of RUNNING WILD.
Holding on to the bull-fiddle, Jerry leans forward to get a better view
of Sugar's backfield in motion. As Sugar shimmies through the number,
the hidden flask slips out from under her garter, and falls to the floor
with a clank. She freezes. Sue raps her baton furiously against the
seat, stopping the music.
SUE
BIENSTOCK!
Bienstock, with his glasses on, is sitting father back in the car reading
Variety. He leaps up.
BIENSTOCK
Yes, Sue? What is it?
SUE
[pointing at flask] I thought I made it clear I don't want any drinking
in this outfit.
BIENSTOCK
[picking up flask] All right, girls. Who does this belong to? [no answer]
Come on, now. Speak up. [still no answer; his eyes fall on Sugar, who
stands there frozen] Sugar, I warned you!
SUGAR
Please, Mr. Bienstock -
BIENSTOCK
This is the last straw. In Kansas City you were smuggling liquor in
a shampoo bottle. Before that I caught you with a pint in your ukulele
-
Jerry has squeezed himself between the girls, and steps forward.
JERRY
Pardon me, Mr. Bienstock - can I have my flask back?
BIENSTOCK
[automatically] Sure. [hands it to him, turns back to Sugar] Pack your
things, and the next station we come to - [he does a take, turns to
Jerry] Your flask?
JERRY
Uh-huh. Just a little bourbon.
He starts to slip it down the neck of his dress.
BIENSTOCK
Give me that!
He grabs the flask. Sugar is looking at Jerry gratefully. Joe glares
at Jerry, ready to hit him with the saxophone.
SUE
[to Joe and Jerry; dryly] Didn't you girls say you went to a conservatory?
JERRY
Yes. For a whole year.
SUE
I thought you said three years.
JOE
[lightly] We got time off for good behavior.
SUE
There are two things I will not put up with during working hours. One
is liquor - and the other one is men.
JERRY
[a blinking angel] Men?
JOE
Oh, you don't have to worry about that.
JERRY
We would be caught dead with men. Those rough, hairy beasts with eight
hands - [looking at Bienstock] They all want just one thing from a girl.
BIENSTOCK
[drawing himself up] I beg your pardon.
SUE
[rapping baton] All right, girls - from the top again.
Once more the Society Syncopators wade into RUNNING WILD. Sugar, strumming
the ukulele, smiles warmly at Daphne, a true blue pal; Daphne smiles
back, his mouth watering a little, like a kid in a pastry shop.
DISSOLVE: 20. EXT. LOCOMOTIVE WHEELS - NIGHT.
20. The wheels are still pounding away - but there's no more music.
21. INT. PULLMAN CAR - NIGHT.
21. The berths are made up, and the girls are getting ready for bed.
Joe, in pajamas, is standing in the aisle beside Lower 7, draping his
dress neatly on a hanger. Jerry, in a nightgown, is lying in Upper 7
with the curtains open, watching the broads go by. Girls in negligees,
in pajamas, in nightgowns, are scurrying with their wash-kits in and
out of the ladies' room, climbing into lowers and uppers.
JERRY
[the young sultan] Good night, Mary Lou - Dolores dear, sleep tight
- Nighty-night, Emily.
EMILY
[climbing into an upper] Toodle-oo.
JERRY
[to Joe] How about that toodle-oo?
JOE
Steady, boy. Just keep telling yourself you're a girl.
JERRY
[to himself] I'm a girl. I'm a girl. I'm a girl -
Rosella and Olga come bouncing past from the ladies' room.
JERRY
[to Joe] Get a load of that rhythm section! [a glare from Joe] I'm a
girl. I'm a girl. I'm a girl.
His eyes stray down the aisle. In Upper 2, Sugar is getting ready for
bed. All Jerry can see is her legs dangling out of the berth, as she
removes her stockings. But that's all the identification Jerry needs.
JERRY
[calling down the aisle] Good night, Sugar.
SUGAR
[sticking her head out] Good night, honey.
JERRY
[to Joe; enraptured] Honey - she called me honey.
Without a word, Joe takes the ladder leaning against Jerry's berth,
slides it under the lower.
JERRY
What are you doing?
JOE
I just want to make sure that honey stays in the hive. There'll be no
buzzing around tonight.
JERRY
But suppose I got to go - like for a drink of water?
JOE
Fight it.
JERRY
But suppose I lose? Suppose it's an emergency?
JOE
[points to cord running across the back of Jerry's berth] Then pull
the emergency brake!
Sitting on the edge of Lower 1, ready for bed, is Sue. She is looking
off intently toward Joe and Jerry, flipping a stomach pill in one hand
and holding a paper cup of water in the other. She turns to Bienstock,
who is across the aisle in Lower 2, just buttoning his pajama tops.
SUE
You know, Bienstock, there's something funny about those two new girls.
BIENSTOCK
Funny? In what way?
SUE
I don't know - but I can feel it right here. [pats tummy] That's one
good thing about ulcers - it's like a burglar alarm going off inside
you.
She swallows the pill, washes it down with water.
BIENSTOCK
All right, Sue. You watch your ulcers - I'll watch those two. [rises,
claps his hands] Okay. Everybody settle down and go to bed. Good night,
girls.
The last few girls climb into their births, lights are being extinguished,
curtains are being closed. Joe, standing outside Berth 7, starts to
close the curtains of Jerry's berth.
JOE
Good night, Daphne.
JERRY
[wretchedly] Good night, Josephine.
Joe closes the curtains. Jerry, in the upper, extinguishes the light.
He settles himself back on the pillow, closes his eyes.
JERRY
[muttering to himself] I'm a girl - I'm a girl - I wish I were dead
- I'm a girl - I'm a girl -
22. EXT. LOCOMOTIVE WHEELS - NIGHT.
22. The wheels are pounding along the track in the rhythm of Jerry's
"I'm a girl, I'm a girl ..."
DISSOLVE: 23. INT. PULLMAN CAR - NIGHT.
23. There are just a few dim lights illuminating the aisle. Everybody
seems to be asleep, all is quiet - except for Bienstock's steady snoring
in Lower 2. After a moment, the curtains of Upper 2 open, and Sugar
peeks out cautiously. She is wearing a negligee over her nightie. Seeing
that all is clear, she slips quietly down the ladder, and tiptoes down
the aisle. She arrives at Berth 7, and finding no ladder there, takes
one from across the aisle, leans it against Jerry's berth, and climbs
up. Jerry is asleep in Upper 7, as the curtains part and Sugar leans
in.
SUGAR
[a whisper] Daphne ...
She taps his shoulder. Jerry sits bolt upright, hits his head against
the top of the berth.
JERRY
Oh - Sugar!
SUGAR
I wanted to thank you for covering for me. You're a real pal.
JERRY
It's nothing. I just think us girls should stick together.
SUGAR
If it hadn't been for you, they would have kicked me off the train.
I'd be out there in the middle of nowhere, sitting on my ukulele.
JERRY
It must be freezing outside. When I think of you - and your poor ukulele
-
SUGAR
If there's anything I can do for you -
JERRY
Oh, I can think of a million things -
Sugar, looking off, sees something in the aisle, quickly climbs into
the berth beside Jerry.
JERRY
And that's one of them.
SUGAR
[finger to her lips] Sssh. Sweet Sue.
She peers through the slit in the curtains. Sue, in a wrapper, is padding
sleepily down the aisle toward the ladies' room. Back in Upper 7, Sugar
turns conspiratorially to Jerry.
SUGAR
I don't want her to know we're in cahoots.
JERRY
We won't tell anybody - not even Josephine.
SUGAR
I'd better stay here till she goes back to sleep.
JERRY
Stay as long as you'd like.
SUGAR
[putting her legs under the covers] I'm not crowding you, am I?
JERRY
No. It's nice and cozy.
SUGAR
When I was a little girl, on cold nights like this, I used to crawl
into bed with my sister. We'd cuddle up under the covers, and pretend
we were lost in a dark cave, and were trying to find out way out.
JERRY
[mopping his brow] Interesting.
SUGAR
Anything wrong?
JERRY
No, no.
SUGAR
[putting a hand on his shoulder] Why you poor thing - you're trembling
all over.
JERRY
That's ridiculous.
SUGAR
And your head is hot.
JERRY
That's ridiculous.
SUGAR
[her feet touching his under the cover] And you've got cold feet.
JERRY
[a wan smile] Isn't that ridiculous?
SUGAR
Let me warm them a little. [rubbing her feet against his] There - isn't
that better?
Jerry has turned his head away, and is now mumbling to himself.
JERRY
I'm a girl, I'm a girl, I'm a girl -
SUGAR
What did you say?
JERRY
I'm a very sick girl.
SUGAR
[sitting up] Maybe I'd better go before I catch something.
JERRY
[holding her by the arm] I'm not that sick.
SUGAR
I have a very low resistance.
JERRY
Look, Sugar, if you feel you're coming down with something, the best
thing is a shot of whiskey.
SUGAR
You got some?
JERRY
I know where to get some. [sitting up] Don't move.
He climbs across her, and opening the curtains, leans all the way over
the edge of the upper berth and down toward the berth below. In Lower
7, Joe is asleep, facing the window. The curtains part, and Jerry, dangling
upside down, reaches toward the suitcase at the foot of the berth. He
raises the lid of the suitcase, rummages around till he finds a bottle
of bourbon. As he takes it out, Joe stirs. Jerry freezes, raises the
bottle up, ready to conk Joe if he wakes up. Joe turns over, settles
back to sleep, and Jerry swings his body through the curtains. Jerry,
the bottle clutched in his hand, is hanging upside down, while Sugar
in the upper berth holds on to his legs. As Jerry tries to raise himself
back up, he slips out of Sugar's grasp, and sprawls in the aisle. He
lies absolutely still, afraid that Joe may have heard him.
SUGAR
[a solicitous whisper] You all right?
JERRY
[getting up] I'm fine.
SUGAR
How's the bottle?
JERRY
Half-full.
As he hands it up to her, the curtains of Upper 4 part, and Dolores,
who has been awakened by the fall, peeks out.
SUGAR
[to Jerry] You better get some cups.
Jerry pads over to the water fountain beside the rest rooms. He punches
out a couple of paper cups from a dispense, flits back to Berth 7, and
scurries up the ladder. Dolores watches all this with great interest.
Back in Upper 7, Sugar has already opened the bottle.
JERRY
[handing her the paper cups] I tell you - this is the only way to travel.
SUGAR
[pouring] You better put on the lights. I can't see what I'm doing.
JERRY
No - no lights. We don't want anyone to know we're having a party.
SUGAR
I may spill something.
JERRY
[shifting into high] So spill it. Spills, thrills, laughs, games - this
may even turn out to be a surprise party.
SUGAR
What's the surprise?
JERRY
[coyly] Uh-uh. Not yet.
SUGAR
When?
JERRY
We better have a drink first.
SUGAR
[handing him cup] Here. This'll put hair on your chest.
JERRY
No fair guessing.
They drink. The curtains open and Dolores, standing on the ladder outside,
sticks her head in.
DOLORES
This a private clambake, or can anybody join?
JERRY
[turns, startled] It's private. Go away.
SUGAR
Say, Dolores - you still got that bottle of vermouth?
DOLORES
Sure.
JERRY
Who needs vermouth?
SUGAR
[to Dolores] We have some bourbon - let's make Manhattans.
DOLORES
Okay. [starts down the ladder]
JERRY
Manhattans? This time of night?
SUGAR
[calling after Dolores] And bring the cocktail shaker.
JERRY
[disgustedly] Oh, Sugar. You're going to spoil my surprise!
Dolores has crossed the aisle, and getting a foot up on Lower 4, reaches
up into her berth for the vermouth. The curtains of Lower 4 open, and
Mary Lou sticks her head out.
MARY LOU
What's up?
DOLORES
Party in Upper 7.
MARY LOU
I got some cheese and crackers.
DOLORES
And get a corkscrew.
Mary Lou gets out of her berth, steps across to Lower 3, wakes up Rosella.
MARY LOU
Party in Upper 7. Got a corkscrew?
ROSELLA [wide awake] No. But Stella has.
MARY LOU
Get some cups.
Rosella hurries toward the water fountain, while Mary Lou gets Stella
and the corkscrew out of bed. Rapidly, the whole Pullman car springs
into action. As silent as mice, the girls slip out of their berths,
armed with various provisions. Their nighties billowing they scuttle
down the aisle and up the ladder into Upper 7. In Upper 7, the party
is building rapidly, as the mice pile in with their contributions.
GIRLS
Here's the vermouth. I brought some crackers and cheese. Will ten cups
be enough? Can you use a bottle of Southern Comfort?
Jerry is trying vainly to stem the invasion of gatecrashers.
JERRY
Please, girls - this is a private party - a party for two - go away,
no more room - ssh, the neighbors downstairs - you'll wake up Josephine
- please, no crackers in bed - go someplace else, form your own party
- be careful with that corkscrew! Sugar - where are you, Sugar?
Sugar is greeting Olga, who has climbed into the berth clutching a hot
water bottle.
OLGA
Here's the cocktail shaker. Sugar starts measuring bourbon and vermouth
into it.
GIRLS
Easy on the vermouth. If we only had some ice ... pass the peanut butter.
Anybody for salami?
JERRY
[desperately] Thirteen girls in a berth - that's bad luck! Twelve of
you will have to get out! ... Please, girls, no more food! I'll have
ants in the morning!
In Lower 7, Joe is stirring restlessly, while subdued noises float down
from the party upstairs. The curtains part and Emily sticks her head
in and shakes Joe.
EMILY
Hey - you got any maraschino cherries on you?
JOE
[half asleep] Huh?
EMILY
Never mind.
She disappears. Joe starts to close his eyes, then sits up with a jolt.
JOE
Maraschino cherries?
Slowly he becomes aware of the sounds of revelry up above. His eyes
wide as he sees a girl's bare leg through the curtains. The girl steps
on the edge of his berth, hoists herself into the upper. Joe throws
open the curtains, sees several other pairs of girls' legs dangling
down from the upper, and still more legs climbing up the ladder. Frantically,
Joe jumps out of his birth. He is confronted by a sight which knocks
into a cocked hat the principle that two bodies cannot occupy the same
space at the same time.
In a triumph of engineering, fourteen girls have squeezed themselves
into Upper 7 - or to be exact, thirteen girls and Daphne - not to mention
the bourbon, the vermouth, the Southern Comfort, the paper cups, the
corkscrew, the hot water bottle, the crackers and cheese, and the salami.
There is a seething tangle of arms and legs and blonde heads - like
a snake pit at feeding time.
JOE
What's going on here? [trying to find a needle in the haystack] Daphne?
Daphne?
JERRY
[sticking his head out] It's not my fault. I didn't invite them.
JOE
[pleading] Break it up, girls! Daphne! Come on, help me!
He starts to tug at odd arms and legs. Jerry pulls himself back into
the berth.
JERRY
All right, girls. You heard Josephine. Everybody out.
Sugar starts to back out of the berth.
JERRY
Not you, Sugar.
SUGAR
I'm just going to get some ice.
Joe has slipped on his robe as Sugar comes backing out of the berth
and down the ladder.
JOE
Out, out! That's right, Sugar. Now the rest of you.
As Sugar heads for the water fountain, Joe starts to pull the other
girls out.
GIRLS
Aw, don't be a flat tire. Have a Manhattan. Come on in. There's lots
of room in the back.
JOE
Ssh. Pipe down. We'll all be fired.
Jerry sticks his head out, looks after Sugar.
JERRY
[plaintively] Sugar - don't you leave me here alone, Sugar!
Sugar has pried open the panel under the water fountain, and reaching
inside, drags out a huge cake of ice. Not quite knowing what to do with
it, she thrusts it into Joe's hands, and turns quickly to the pile of
instruments stashed between some empty seats.
JOE
[unaware of the cake of ice in his hands] Come on, kids. Give up, will
you? The party's over. Everybody go home. [suddenly notices the ice]
What's this?
By this time, Sugar has unscrewed a cymbal from the drum, and is holding
the drummer's metal brush.
SUGAR
[beckoning to Joe] Josephine, over here. Before it melts.
She heads for the women's lounge. Joe looks at her, looks at the ice,
and not knowing what else to do with it, follows her through the curtains.
24. INT. WOMEN'S LOUNGE - NIGHT.
24. Sugar comes in, followed by Josephine with the cake of ice.
SUGAR
[pointing to sunken washbowl] Put it here.
JOE
[dropping the ice in the bowl] Sugar, you're going to get yourself into
a lot of trouble.
SUGAR
Better keep a lookout.
Joe crosses to the curtain, peers out. Sugar, using the handle of the
metal brush, starts to chop ice into the upturned cymbal.
JOE
If Bienstock catches you again - what's the matter with you, anyway?
SUGAR
I'm not very bright, I guess.
JOE
I wouldn't say that. Careless, maybe.
SUGAR
No, just dumb. If I had any brains, I wouldn't be on this crummy train
with this crummy girls' band.
JOE
Then why did you take this job?
SUGAR
I used to sing with male bands. But I can't afford it any more.
JOE
Afford it?
SUGAR
Have you ever been with a male band?
JOE
Me?
SUGAR
That's what I'm running away from. I worked with six different ones
in the last two years. Oh, brother!
JOE
Rough?
SUGAR
I'll say.
JOE
You can't trust those guys.
SUGAR
I can't trust myself. The moment I'd start with a new band - bingo!
JOE
Bingo?
SUGAR
You see, I have this thing about saxophone players.
JOE
[abandoning his lookout post] Really?
SUGAR
Especially tenor sax. I don't know what it is, but they just curdle
me. All they have to do is play eight bars of "Come to Me, My Melancholy
Baby" - and my spine turns to custard, and I get goose-pimply all over
- and I come to them.
JOE
That so?
SUGAR
[hitting her head] Every time!
JOE
[nonchalantly] You know - I play tenor sax.
SUGAR
But you're a girl, thank goodness.
JOE
[his throat drying up] Yeah.
SUGAR
That's why I joined this band. Safety first. Anything to get away from
those bums.
JOE
[drier yet] Yeah.
SUGAR
[hacking the ice viciously] You don't know what they're like. You fall
for them and you love 'em - you think it's going to be the biggest thing
since the Graf Zeppelin - and the next thing you know they're borrowing
money from you and spending it on other dames and betting on the horses
-
JOE
You don't say?
SUGAR
Then one morning you wake up and the saxophone is gone and the guy is
gone, and all that's left behind is a pair of old socks and a tube of
toothpaste, all squeezed out.
JOE
Men!
SUGAR
So you pull yourself together and you go on to the next job, and the
next saxophone player, and it's the same thing all over again. See what
I mean? - not very bright.
JOE
[looking her over] Brains aren't everything.
SUGAR
I can tell you one thing - it's not going to happen to me again. Ever.
I'm tired of getting the fuzzy end of the lollipop.
Olga bursts in through the curtains.
OLGA
Ice! What's keeping the ice?
The natives are getting restless. Joe hands her the cymbal piled with
ice.
JOE
How about a couple of drinks for us?
OLGA
Sure.
She scoots out. Joe and Sugar are alone again.
SUGAR
You know I'm going to be twenty-five in June?
JOE
You are?
SUGAR
That's a quarter of a century. Makes a girl think.
JOE
About what?
SUGAR
About the future. You know - like, a husband? That's why I'm glad we're
going to Florida.
JOE
What's in Florida?
SUGAR
Millionaires. Flocks of them. They all go south for the winter. Like
birds.
JOE
Going to catch yourself a rich bird?
SUGAR
Oh, I don't care how rich he is - as long as he has a yacht and his
own private railroad car and his own toothpaste.
JOE
You're entitled.
SUGAR
Maybe you'll meet one too, Josephine.
JOE
Yeah. With money like Rockefeller, and shoulders like Johnny Weismuller
-
SUGAR
I want mine to wear glasses.
JOE
Glasses?
SUGAR
Men who wear glasses are so much more gentle and sweet and helpless.
Haven't you ever noticed?
JOE
Well, now that you've mentioned it -
SUGAR
They get those weak eyes from reading - you know, all those long columns
of tiny figures in the Wall Street Journal.
Olga is back again, carrying two Manhattans in paper cups on the cymbal.
She hands them the drinks, starts to refill the cymbal with ice.
OLGA
That bass fiddle - wow! She sure knows how to throw a party!
She dashes out. Joe looks after her, worriedly.
SUGAR
[raising cup] Happy days.
JOE
[lifting his cup] I hope this time you wind up with the sweet end of
the lollipop.
They drink. Joe studies her like a cat studying a canary.
25. INT. PULLMAN CAR - NIGHT.
25. Olga is climbing up on the ladder to Upper 7 with the new supply
of ice in the cymbal. The party is now really winging. Amidst the hushed
hilarity, the hot water bottle is being passed around, paper cups and
crackers are flying, some of the girls are smoking. Despite the absence
of Sugar, Jerry is enjoying himself hugely. Dolores has the floor -
finishing the joke that Bienstock interrupted earlier.
DOLORES
- so the one-legged jockey said - [she breaks up in helpless laughter]
JERRY
[eagerly] What did he say?
DOLORES
The one-legged jockey said - "Don't worry about me, baby. I ride side-saddle!"
To Jerry, this is excrutiatingly comical. He puts his hand over his
mouth, trying to smother his wild laughter, starts to hiccup.
JERRY
[Lady Daphne again] I beg your pardon.
Another hiccup. And another.
ROSELLA
Put some ice on her neck!
She takes a hunk of ice out of the cymbal, rubs it against the back
of Jerry's neck. Jerry leaps up with a squeal, and the ice slides down
into his nightgown. He squirms and wiggles, crying and laughing and
hiccuping.
JERRY
Oooh! Aaah! It's cold! Owwww!
The girls try to fish the ice from inside his nightie, and suddenly
Jerry gets a new shock, worse than the ice. His hiccups stop, his eyes
widen in panic. His bosoms have torn lose from their moorings again.
He folds his arms over his suddenly flat chest, to ward off exposure.
JERRY
[continuing] Cut it out, girls. Stop it. Joe - Josephine - help!
DOLORES
Hey, she's ticklish!
With that, all the girls pounce on Jerry, start to tickle him. Jerry
flops around like a fish, screaming and laughing and crying. In despair,
his eyes fall on the emergency cord. He makes a grab for the cord, pulls
it.
26. EXT. LOCOMOTIVE WHEELS - NIGHT.
26. The pounding wheels suddenly lock, and come to a jolting stop.
27. INT. PULLMAN CAR - NIGHT.
27. The abrupt stop sends everybody in Upper 7 tumbling out into the
aisle.
28. INT. WOMEN'S LOUNGE - NIGHT.
28. Sugar, thrown off balance, grabs on to Joe.
SUGAR
What's happened?
JOE
Search me.
[quickly] I mean - I'll see.
He sticks his head out through the curtains.
29. INT. PULLMAN CAR - NIGHT.
29. The girls heaped in the aisle are extricating themselves and scurrying
back as fast as they can into their berths. Jerry scrambles up the ladder
into Upper 7, pulls the curtains, just as the curtains of Lower 1 are
flung open and Sue emerges. She glances up the aisle, which is now empty
and peaceful-looking.
SUE
[angrily] What's going on around here? [shouting] BIENSTOCK!
Bienstock staggers sleepily out of Lower 2.
BIENSTOCK
Are we in Florida?
At the entrance to the women's lounge, Sugar has joined Joe and the
two are peering through the curtains. The door of the car opens, and
the Conductor runs in angrily. The two withdraw back into the lounge.
The Conductor joins Sue and Bienstock.
CONDUCTOR
All right. Who pulled the emergency brake? Who was it?
BIENSTOCK
[bellowing at the closed curtains] Come on, girls. Who was it?
Through the curtains of Upper 7, Jerry's head appears timidly.
JERRY
I was it.
SUE
What's the big idea?
JERRY
I'm sorry. I was having a nightmare. [he hiccups] Something I ate. I'm
not at all well. [holds out cocktail shaker] See? Hot water bottle.
CONDUCTOR
[disgusted] Musicians! The last time we had some on the train, they
started a wild, drunken brawl - twelve of them in one berth!
Jerry clucks his tongue disapprovingly. The Conductor jerks the emergency
cord a couple of times, signaling the engineer to start the train again.
30. EXT. LOCOMOTIVE WHEELS - NIGHT.
30. The stalled wheels start to turn over and pick up speed.
DISSOLVE: 31. OMITTED 31.
32. INT. PULLMAN CAR - NIGHT.
32. The train is moving. Joe appears from the women's lounge, signals
to Sugar, who is behind him.
JOE
Okay, Sugar - all clear. You better go back to bed.
SUGAR
I might as well stay in there. I won't be able to sleep anyway.
JOE
Why not?
SUGAR
Bienstock. He snores to beat the band. We cut cards to see who sleeps
over him, and I always lose. Wouldn't you know?
JOE
Want to switch berths with me?
SUGAR
Would you mind terribly?
JOE
Not at all.
He leads her to Lower 7. The curtains of Upper 7 are closed.
JOE
I can fall asleep anywhere, any time, over anybody.
He takes his suitcase out, stashes it under the berth.
SUGAR
Thanks, honey.
JOE
[starting away] Good night, Sugar.
In Upper 7, Jerry is lying on his back with his eyes wide open, listening
intently. From OFF comes -
SUGAR'S VOICE
Good night, Josephine.
Jerry props himself up on one elbow, a smug grin of anticipation on
his face. Sugar gets into Lower 7, closing the curtains. Joe proceeds
down the aisle, mounts the ladder to Upper 2. In Upper 2, Joe closes
the curtains, settles down to sleep. In the berth below, Bienstock is
snoring away. Unable to take it, Joe clamps the spare pillow over his
head. In Upper 7, Jerry takes a long swig out of the hot water bottle
to get his courage up. Then he parts the curtains cautiously, drops
to the aisle. He leans toward the closed curtains of Lower 7.
JERRY
[very softly] Joe - are you asleep, Joe?
In Lower 7, Sugar, her eyes closed, is drifting off to sleep. Jerry,
satisfied that Joe is asleep, pussyfoots down the aisle to Berth 2.
He listens for a second to Bienstock snoring, climbs up the ladder to
Upper 2. In Upper 2, Joe lies facing the window. The curtains part gingerly,
and Jerry sticks his head in.
JERRY
[a honeyed whisper] Sugar - Sugar baby -
Joe opens his eyes wide, and is about to turn around, but Jerry puts
a restraining hand on his shoulder.
JERRY
[continuing] Sssh. Don't move. It's me - Daphne. We don't want to wake
up Bienstock.
He slips into the berth, and the curtains close behind him. It's pretty
dark now. Jerry stretches out on top of the covers, addresses the back
of Joe's head. Joe, a grim expression on his face, is waiting to see
how far Jerry will go.
JERRY
[continuing; the big moment] You know what I promised you before - that
surprise - well, I better break it to you gently. In the first place,
I'm not a natural blonde - as a matter of face, there are all sorts
of things about me that are not natural - you see, my friend and I -
the reason we're on the train with you girls - well, you know those
holes in the bull-fiddle - that wasn't mice - what I'm trying to say
is - my name isn't really Daphne - it's Geraldine - I mean, Jerry -
and you know why it's Jerry? - because I'm a boy!
He sweeps his blonde wig off. Joe, who's had enough, makes a move to
sit up, but Jerry pushes him back gently.
JERRY
[continuing] Don't scream, please. Don't spoil it - it's too beautiful.
just think of it, you and I - same berth, opposite sexes - male and
female - he and she - the moth and the flame - [takes Joe's hand, puts
it on his heart] Feel my heart - like a crazy drum. [starts kissing
Joe's hand] I'm mad for you, Sugar. [breathing heavily] What are we
going to do about it?
Joe has had it. Wheeling around, he grabs Jerry by the front of his
nightgown, starts to shake him like a terrier shaking a rat.
JERRY
[continuing; nonplussed] Sugar, what are you doing? Don't get sore,
baby -
Beginning to realize something may be wrong, Jerry reaches up and switches
on the light. There is something wrong.
JOE
[holding Jerry with one hand, cocking the other] Male and female - the
moth and the flame - I ought to slug you!
JERRY
[slapping wig back on his head] You wouldn't hit a girl, would you?
FADE OUT: FADE IN: 33. EXT. SEMINOLE-RITZ HOTEL - DAY.
33. The sprawling gingerbread structure basks in the warm Florida sun,
fanned by towering palm trees, and lulled by waves breaking lazily on
the exclusive beach frontage. Wintertime and the livin' is easy, fish
are jumpin' and the market is high. The hotel bus chugs up the curved
driveway toward the main entrance, hauling the Society Syncopators fromt
he station. The rear of the bus is loaded with luggage and instruments.
From inside comes the SOUND of girls' voices, singing DOWN AMONG THE
SHELTERING PALMS.
On the hotel veranda, creaking in their rocking chairs, are a dozen
elderly gentlemen. They are all in resort clothes - white flannels,
striped flannels, knickers, Panama hats, white linen caps - and they
are all reading the Wall Street Journal. Their combined age must be
about a thousand years, and their combined bank balance just about as
many millions. As they hear the bus drawing up, they stop rocking, and
slowly lower their Wall Street Journals. They are all wearing sunglasses,
and leaning forward, they peer through them at the new arrivals. In
the driveway, the girls are climbing out of the bus, luggage and instruments
are being unloaded. Jerry helps Sugar down, while Joe gets their instruments
out of the pile. He hands the bull-fiddle case to Jerry, the ukulele
case to Sugar.
JERRY
[taking the ukulele from Sugar] I'll carry the instruments.
SUGAR
Thank you, Daphne.
JOE
[handing Jerry the saxophone case] Thank you, Daphne. [to Sugar] Isn't
she a sweetheart?
He leads her toward the entrance. Jerry, loaded down with bass fiddle,
ukulele and sax, glares after them - angrily, then follows them, balancing
precariously on his high heels. On the veranda, the twelve rich dodos
remove their sunglasses to get a better look at the girls. The one nearest
to the steps is OSGOOD FIELDING III.
He is a bit younger than the others, but that still puts him in his
late fifties. He wears white plus-fours, argyle socks, two-toned shoes,
and a gleam in his eye. He tips his Panama hat rakishly as the girl
musicians mount the steps. Joe and Sugar come up the steps. Joe nudges
her, directing her attention to the old crooks.
JOE
Well, there they are - more millionaires than you can shake a stick
at.
SUGAR
I'll bet there isn't one of them under seventy-five.
JOE
Seventy-five. That's three-quarters of a century. Makes a girl think.
SUGAR
Yeah, I hope they brought their grandsons along.
As they pass Osgood Fielding III and start into the lobby, he tips his
Panama jauntily. Then he turns to inspect the next girl. The next girl
is Jerry, struggling up the steps, loaded with bass fiddle, saxophone
and ukulele. He trips on the top steps, loses one of his shoes. Osgood
jumps up gallantly.
OSGOOD
Just a moment, miss - [picks up shoe] May I?
JERRY
[extending his foot regally] Help yourself.
OSGOOD
[slipping shoe on] I am Osgood Fielding the Third.
JERRY
I am Cinderella the Second.
He starts to pull away, but Osgood holds on to his ankle.
OSGOOD
If there is one thing I admire, it's a girl with a shapely ankle.
JERRY
Me too. Bye now.
OSGOOD
Let me carry one of the instruments.
JERRY
Thank you. [loading him up with all the instruments] Aren't you a sweetheart?
He starts into the lobby, Osgood struggling after him with the instruments.
34. INT. LOBBY OF THE SEMINOLE-RITZ - DAY.
34. The lobby is very resort-y - potted palms, overhead fans, and a
heavy undergrowth of wicker furniture. Osgood, balancing the instruments,
follows Jerry in.
OSGOOD
It certainly is delightful to have some young blood around here.
JERRY
Personally, I'm Type O.
OSGOOD
You know, I've always been fascinated by show business.
JERRY
You don't say.
OSGOOD
Yes, indeed. It's cost my family quite a bit of money.
JERRY
You invest in shows?
OSGOOD
No - it's showgirls. I've been married seven or eight times.
JERRY
You're not sure?
OSGOOD
Mama is keeping score. Frankly, she's getting rather annoyed with me
JERRY
I'm not surprised.
OSGOOD
So this year, when George White's Scandals opened, she packed me off
to Florida. Right now she thinks I'm out there on my yacht - deep-sea
fishing.
JERRY
Well, pull in your reel, Mr. Fielding. You're barking up the wrong fish.
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