|
They come up to the elevator. The doors are just closing on a load
of girl musicians going up.
OSGOOD
If I promise not to be a naughty boy - how about dinner tonight?
JERRY
Sorry. I'll be on the bandstand.
OSGOOD
Oh, of course. Which of these instruments do you play?
JERRY
Bull fiddle.
OSGOOD
Fascinating. Do you use a bow or do you just pluck it?
JERRY
Most of the time I slap it.
OSGOOD
You must be quite a girl.
JERRY
Wanna bet?
OSGOOD
My last wife was an acrobatic dancer - you know, sort of a contortionist
- she could smoke a cigarette while holding it between her toes - Zowie!
- but Mama broke it up.
JERRY
Why?
OSGOOD
She doesn't approve of girls who smoke.
The elevator has come down again, and the doors open.
JERRY
[reaching for the instruments] Goodbye, Mr. Fielding.
OSGOOD
Goodbye?
JERRY
This is where I get off.
OSGOOD
[the naughty boy] Oh, you don't get off that easy.
He eases her into the elevator, follows with the instruments.
OSGOOD
[continuing; to elevator operator] All right, driver. Once around the
park. Slowly. And keep your eyes on the road.
The door closes. CAMERA PANS UP to the floor indicator. The arrow moves
smoothly past the second floor, then stops abruptly, jiggles violently,
starts down again. CAMERA PANS DOWN. the elevator door opens.
JERRY
[outraged womanhood] What kind of girl do you think I am, Mr. Fielding?
He slaps Osgood's face, takes the instruments from him.
OSGOOD
Please. It won't happen again.
JERRY
No, thank you. I'll walk.
He stalks out of the elevator with the instruments, starts indignantly
up the stairs. Osgood stands holding his cheek, looking after him enraptured.
OSGOOD
Zowie!
35. INT. FOURTH FLOOR CORRIDOR - DAY.
35. This is the floor on which the girls are billeted. Sugar, Joe and
the other Society Syncopators are gathered around Bienstock and Sue,
while bellhops are bringing up the luggage.
BIENSTOCK
[holding up a list] All right, girls - here are your room assignments.
[tapping his pockets] My glasses - where are my glasses?
As he continues to search, Sue takes the list from him, starts to read
it off.
SUE
Olga and Mary Lou in 412 - and Mary Lou, keep your kimono buttoned when
you ring for room service - Josephine and Daphne in 413 - Dolores and
Sugar in 414 -
DOLORES
Me and Sugar?
SUE
What did you expect - a one-legged jockey?
Joe and Sugar are moving on toward their rooms.
SUGAR
I wish they'd put us in the same room.
JOE
So do I. But don't worry - we'll be seeing a lot of each other.
They reach the door of 414, and Sugar opens it.
SUGAR
[ruefully] 414 - that's the same room number I had in Cincinnati - my
last time around with a male band. What a heel he was.
JOE
Saxophone player?
SUGAR
What else? And was I ever crazy about him. Two in the morning, he sent
me down for knackwurst and potato salad - they were out of potato salad,
so I brought coleslaw - so he threw it right in my face.
JOE
Forget it, Sugar, will you? Forget about saxophone players. You're going
to meet a millionaire - a young one.
SUGAR
What makes you so sure?
JOE
Just my feminine intuition.
She smiles gratefully at him as she enters 414. Joe crosses to the open
door of 413, goes in.
36. INT. ROOM 413 - DAY.
36. It's a small room, twin-beds, more wicker, adjoining bathroom. Outside
the French windows is a balcony, giving on the ocean. As Joe comes in,
a BELLHOP is just setting down some suitcases - two of them are Joe's
and Jerry's, the third is a somewhat more elegant model in brown cloth
with a white stripe down the middle and the initials B.B. The Bellhop,
a fresh punk of seventeen, turns to Joe.
BELLHOP
Are these your bags?
JOE
Yes. And that one, too.
BELLHOP
Okay, doll.
JOE
I suppose you want a tip?
BELLHOP
Forget it, doll. After all, you work here - I work here - and believe
you me, it's nice to have you with the organization.
JOE
Bye.
BELLHOP
[the young Clark Gable] Listen, doll - what time do you get off tonight?
JOE
Why?
BELLHOP
Because I'm working the night shift - and I got a bottle of gin stashed
away - and as soon as there's a lull -
JOE
Aren't you a little too young for that, sonny?
BELLHOP
Wanna see my driver's license?
JOE
Get lost, will you?
BELLHOP
That's the way I like 'em - big and sassy. [at the door] And get rid
of your roommate.
He pulls out his bow tie, which is on an elastic, lets in snap back
like an exclamation point. Joe looks after him grimly, then his eyes
fall on the suitcase with the stripe, and he shoves it quickly under
the bed. The door opens again, and Joe whirls around. Jerry comes staggering
in breathlessly with the instruments, kicks the door shut with his foot.
JERRY
Why, that dirty old man!
He throws the instruments disgustedly on one of the beds.
JOE
What happened?
JERRY
I got pinched in the elevator.
JOE
Well, now you know how the other half lives.
JERRY
[looking in the mirror] And I'm not even pretty.
JOE
They don't care - just as long as you wear skirts. It's like waving
a red flat in front of a bull.
JERRY
I'm tired of being a flag. I want to be a bull again. Lets get out of
here, Joe. Let's blow.
JOE
Blow where?
JERRY
You promised - the minute we hit Florida, we were going to beat it.
JOE
How can we? We're broke.
JERRY
We can get a job with another band. A male band.
JOE
Listen, stupid - right now Spats Colombo and his chums are looking for
us in every male band in the country.
JERRY
But this is so humiliating.
JOE
So you got pinched in the elevator. So what? Would you rather be picking
lead out of your navel?
JERRY
All right, all right! [rips off his hat and wig, tosses them on the
bed] But how long can we keep this up?
JOE
What's the beef? We're sitting pretty. We get room and board - we get
paid every week - there's the palm trees and the flying fish -
JERRY
What are you giving me with the flying fish? I know why you want to
stick around - you're after Sugar.
JOE
[holier-than-thou] Me? After Sugar?
JERRY
I watched you two on the bus - lovey-dovey - whispering and giggling
and borrowing each other's lipstick -
JOE
What are you talking about? Sugar and me, we're just like sisters.
JERRY
Yeah? Well, I'm your fairy godmother - and I'm keeping an eye on you.
There is a KNOCK on the door.
BIENSTOCK'S VOICE
Are you decent?
Joe pulls Jerry's wig out of the hat, jams it down his head.
JOE
Come in.
Bienstock comes in.
BIENSTOCK
You girls have seen a brown bag with a white stripe and my initials?
JERRY
A what?
BIENSTOCK
My suitcase - with all my resort clothes.
JOE
[glancing down] No, we haven't.
BIENSTOCK
Can't understand it. First my glasses disappear - then one of my suitcases
-
Sugar appears in the doorway behind him.
SUGAR
Where's my ukulele?
BIENSTOCK
- now a ukulele? There must be a sneak thief around here.
He goes out, shaking his head in puzzlement.
JERRY
[handing her the ukulele] Here you are, Sugar.
SUGAR
A bunch of us girls are going for a swim. Want to come along?
JERRY
You betcha.
JOE
Wait a minute, Daphne. You haven't got a bathing suit.
SUGAR
She doesn't need one. I don't have one either.
JERRY
[to Joe] See? She doesn't have one either - [to Sugar] You don't?
SUGAR
We'll rent some at the bathhouse. How about you, Josephine?
JOE
No, thanks. I'd rather stay in and soak in a hot tub.
He steps into the bathroom, turns on the faucet.
JERRY
Yeah - let her soak. Come on.
JOE
Don't get burned, Daphne.
SUGAR
Oh, I have some suntan lotion.
JERRY
She'll rub it on me - and I'll rub it on her - and we'll rub it on each
other - bye.
He ushers Sugar out in high spirits. Joe looks after them, then quickly
locks the hall door, and stepping into the bathroom, turns off the water.
He hurries over to the bed, slides out Bienstock's suitcase, opens it.
It's crammed full of resort clothes - and Joe takes out a blazer, flannel
pants, and a yachting cap, which he perches on his head. Then he lifts
his skirt above his knee, pulls out Bienstock's glasses from under his
garter. He puts them on, peers around myopically. His enlarged eyes
are grotesque - but then again, so is his scheme.
DISSOLVE TO: 37. EXT. BEACH - DAY.
37. To the accompaniment of BY THE BEAUTIFUL SEA, several girls from
the band, in bathing suits and caps, are running into the surf. The
other girls are already in the water, splashing around and frolicking
like a school of playful porpoises. There is no sign of Jerry. Sugar,
standing up to her waist in water, suddenly lets out a startled SQUEAL,
slaps the surface of the water behind her.
SUGAR
Daphne! Cut that out!
Jerry comes diving up, spouting water like a dolphin. He is wearing
a girls' knitted bathing suit with a short skirt, and a rubber cap.
SUGAR
[continuing] What do you think you're doing?
JERRY
Just a little trick I picked up in the elevator.
A good-sized wave comes rolling in.
JERRY
[continuing] Oooh. Here comes a big one.
He grabs Sugar, holding on to her tightly. The wave breaks over them,
sweeps them off their feet. Strolling casually along the beach is Joe.
He is wearing Bienstock's blazer [crest and eight gold buttons], flannel
slacks [bell-bottom], a silk scarf, a yachting cap, and the glasses
[which blur his vision considerably]. In his hand he carries a rolled-up
copy of the Wall Street Journal. He looks off toward the ocean.
The girls are scampering out of the water, and some of them start to
toss a beach ball around. Sugar and Jerry come running up to the beach
hand in hand. They take their caps off, and Sugar puts on a short terry-cloth
jacket. Jerry jumps around on one foot, his head tilted, shaking the
water out of his ear, then starts to rub himself off with a towel.
SUGAR
[studying him] You know, Daphne - I had no idea you were such a big
girl.
JERRY
You should have seen me before I went on a diet.
SUGAR
I mean, your shoulders - and your arms -
JERRY
That's from carrying around the bull fiddle.
SUGAR
But there's one thing I envy you for.
JERRY
What's that?
SUGAR
You're so flat-chested. Clothes hang so much better on you than they
do on me.
DOLORES' VOICE
[from off] Look out, Daphne!
The beach ball comes sailing INTO SHOT, and Jerry catches it.
JERRY
Come on, Sugar - let's play.
He takes Sugar's hand, skips off with her to join the other girls. Joe,
meanwhile, has come up to a basket chair nearby. Sitting in front of
it, sorting sea shells out for a small pail, is a BOY of five. A few
feet away stands his MOTHER, calling to him.
MOTHER
Let's go, Junior. Time for your nap.
JUNIOR
Nah. I wanna play.
JOE
[out of the corner of his mouth] You heard your mudder, Junior. Scram.
They boy looks up at him, fearfully.
JOE
[continuing] This beach ain't big enough for both of us.
The boy scrambles to his feet, and screaming "Mommy," runs off, leaving
the pailful of shells behind. Joe settles himself in the chair, peers
over his shoulder toward the girls playing ball. The girls, Sugar and
Jerry among them, are standing in a wide circle, tossing the beach ball
around and chanting rhythmically: "I love coffee, I love tea, how many
boys are stuck on me? One, two, three, four, five - "
There is a wild throw over Sugar's head, in the direction of Joe's chair.
Sugar turns and runs after the ball to retrieve it. This is exactly
what Joe has been waiting for. As the ball comes rolling past, he unfolds
the Wall Street Journal, pretends to be reading it. Just as Sugar runs
by, Joe extends his foot a couple of inches - enough to trip her and
send her sprawling to the sand.
JOE
[lowering paper; Cary Grant by now] Oh, I'm terribly sorry.
SUGAR
My fault.
JOE
[helping her up] You're not hurt, are you?
SUGAR
I don't think so.
JOE
I wish you'd make sure.
SUGAR
Why?
JOE
Because usually, when people find out who I am, they get themselves
a wheel chair and a shyster lawyer, and sue me for a quarter of a million
dollars.
SUGAR
Well, don't worry. I won't sue you - no matter who you are.
JOE
[returning to chair] Thank you.
SUGAR
Who are you?
JOE
Now, really -
Jerry and the other girls are looking off toward Sugar, waiting for
the ball.
JERRY
Hey, Sugar - come on. Sugar picks up the ball.
JOE
[blase] So long.
He buries himself behind the Wall Street Journal again. Sugar hesitates
for a second, then throws the ball back to the girls. She steps closer
to Joe, peers around the paper, studying him.
SUGAR
Haven't I seen you somewhere before?
JOE
[without looking up] Not very likely.
SUGAR
Are you staying at the hotel?
JOE
Not at all.
SUGAR
Your face is familiar.
JOE
Possible you saw it in a newspaper - or magazine - Vanity Fair -
SUGAR
That must be it.
JOE
[waving her aside] Would you mind moving just a little? You're blocking
my view.
SUGAR
Your view of what?
JOE
They run up a red-and-white flag on the yacht when it's time for cocktails.
SUGAR
[snapping at the bait] You have a yacht?
She turns and looks seaward at a half-a-dozen yachts of different sizes
bobbing in the distance.
SUGAR
[continuing] Which one is yours - the big one?
JOE
Certainly not. with all that unrest in the world, I don't think anybody
should have a yacht that sleeps more than twelve.
SUGAR
I quite agree. Tell me, who runs up that flag - your wife?
JOE
No, my flag steward.
SUGAR
And who mixes the cocktails - your wife?
JOE
No, my cocktail steward. Look, if you're interested in whether I'm married
or not -
SUGAR
I'm not interested at all.
JOE
Well, I'm not.
SUGAR
That's very interesting.
Joe resumes reading the paper. Sugar sits on the sand beside his chair.
SUGAR
[continuing] How's the stock market?
JOE
[lackadaisically] Up, up, up.
SUGAR
I'll bet just while we were talking, you made like a hundred thousand
dollars.
JOE
Could be. Do you play the market?
SUGAR
No - the ukulele. And I sing.
JOE
For your own amusement?
SUGAR
Well - a group of us are appearing at the hotel. Sweet Sue and Her Society
Syncopators.
JOE
You're society girls?
SUGAR
Oh, yes. Quite. You know - Vassar, Bryn Mawr - we're only doing this
for a lark.
JOE
Syncopators - does that mean you play that fast music - jazz?
SUGAR
Yeah. Real hot.
JOE
Oh. Well, I guess some like it hot. But personally, I prefer classical
music.
SUGAR
So do I. as a matter of fact, I spent three years at the Sheboygan Conservatory
of Music.
JOE
Good school! And your family doesn't object to your career?
SUGAR
They do indeed. Daddy threatened to cut me off without a cent, but I
don't care. It was such a bore - coming-out parties, cotillions -
JOE
- Inauguration balls -
SUGAR
- opening of the Opera -
JOE
- riding to hounds -
SUGAR
- and always the same Four Hundred.
JOE
You know, it's amazing we never ran into each other before. I'm sure
I would have remembered anybody as attractive as you.
SUGAR
You're very kind. I'll bet you're also very gentle - and helpless -
JOE
I beg your pardon?
SUGAR
You see, I have this theory about men with glasses.
JOE
What theory?
SUGAR
Maybe I'll tell you when I know you a little better. What are you doing
tonight?
JOE
Tonight?
SUGAR
I thought you might like to come to the hotel and hear us play.
JOE
I'd like to - but it may be rather difficult.
SUGAR
Why?
JOE
[his eyes on the pail with the shells] I only come ashore twice a day
- when the tide goes out.
SUGAR
Oh?
JOE
It's on the account of the shells. That's my hobby.
SUGAR
You collect shells?
JOE
[taking a handful of shells from the pail] Yes. So did my father and
my grandfather - we've all had this passion for shells - that's why
we named the oil company after it.
SUGAR
[wide-eyed] Shell Oil?
JOE
Please - no names. Just call me Junior.
By this time, the ball game is breaking up, and Jerry approaches Sugar
and Joe.
JERRY
Come on, Sugar - time to change for dinner.
SUGAR
Run along, Daphne - I'll catch up with you.
JERRY
[a casual glance at Joe] Okay.
He takes a couple of steps away from them, freezes, comes back and stares
at Joe open-mouthed.
JOE
What is it, young lady? What are you staring at?
JERRY
[points; speechless] You - you -
JOE
[to Sugar] This happens to me all the time in public.
SUGAR
[to Jerry] I recognized him too - his picture was in Vanity Fair.
JERRY
Vanity Fair?
JOE
[waving him aside] Would you mind moving along, please?
SUGAR
Yes, you're in the way. He's waiting for a signal from his yacht.
JERRY
His yacht?
SUGAR
It sleeps twelve. [to Joe] This is my friend Daphne. She's a Vassar
girl.
JERRY
I'm a what?
SUGAR
Or was it Bryn Mawr?
JOE
[to Jerry] I heard a very sad story about a girl who went to Bryn Mawr.
She squealed on her roommate, and they found her strangled with her
own brassiere.
JERRY
[grimly] Yes - you have to be very careful about picking a roommate.
SUGAR
Well, I guess I'd better go -
JOE
It's been delightful meeting you both.
SUGAR
And you will come to hear us tonight?
JOE
If it's at all possible -
JERRY
Oh, please do come. Don't disappoint us. It'll be such fun. And bring
your yacht.
SUGAR
Come on, Daphne.
She leads Jerry away. Joe throws them a casual salute. As Jerry and
Sugar move off, Jerry looks over his shoulder.
JERRY
Well, I'll be - ! How about that guy?
SUGAR
Now look, Daphne - hands off - I saw him first.
JERRY
Sugar, dear - let me give you some advice. If I were a girl - and I
am - I'd watch my step.
SUGAR
If I'd been watching my step, I never would have met him. Wait till
I tell Josephine.
JERRY
Yeah - Josephine.
SUGAR
Will she be surprised. I just can't wait to see her face -
JERRY
Neither can I. Come on - let's go up to her room and tell her - right
now.
He grabs her hand, starts to run toward the hotel.
SUGAR
We don't have to run.
JERRY
Oh, yes we do!
DISSOLVE TO: 38. INT. FOURTH FLOOR CORRIDOR - DAY.
38. Jerry, holding Sugar by the hand, comes running down the corridor
from the elevator. He flings open the door of 413, pulls Sugar inside.
39. INT. ROOM 413 - DAY.
39. Jerry and Sugar stop breathlessly, look around. The room is empty.
JERRY
Josephine -
SUGAR
I guess she's not in here.
JERRY
That's funny. Josie - [sees Josephine's dress on a hanger; smugly] I
can't imagine where she can be.
SUGAR
Well, I'll come back later.
JERRY
No, no, Sugar - wait. I have a feeling she's going to show up any minute.
SUGAR
[sitting down] Believe it or not - Josephine predicted the whole thing.
JERRY
Yeah. This is one for Ripley.
SUGAR
Do you suppose she went out shopping?
JERRY
That's it. Something tells me she's going to walk through that door
in a whole new outfit.
He opens the door, peers out into the corridor expecting Joe to show
up in the yachting outfit. At the same time, through the partly open
door of the bathroom, comes Josephine's VOICE, singing "RUNNING WILD."
Jerry does a double-take. Sugar starts toward the bathroom door and
opens it. Jerry follows her, incredulously. In the bathroom, Joe with
his wig on, is lying languidly in the tub taking a bubble-bath, up to
his neck in white foam.
SUGAR
Josephine.
JOE
Oh, I didn't hear you come in.
Jerry looks back toward the windows, trying to figure out how Joe got
in.
SUGAR
The most wonderful thing happened -
JOE
What?
SUGAR
Guess!
JOE
They repealed Prohibition?
JERRY
Oh, come on - you can do better than that.
SUGAR
I met one of them.
JOE
One of whom?
SUGAR
Shell Oil, Junior. He's got millions - he's got glasses - and he's got
a yacht.
JOE
[beaming] You don't say!
JERRY
He's not only got a yacht, he's got a bicycle.
JOE
[warningly] Daphne - [to Sugar] Go on - tell me all about him.
SUGAR
Well, he's young and handsome and a bachelor - and he's a real gentleman
- not one of these grabbers.
JOE
Maybe you'd better go after him - if you don't want to lose him.
SUGAR
Oh, I'm not going to let this one get away. He's so cute - collects
shells.
JOE
Shells? Whatever for?
JERRY
You know - the old shell game.
JOE
Daphne, you're bothering us.
SUGAR
Anyway, you're going to meet him tonight.
JOE
I am?
SUGAR
Because he said he's coming to hear us play - maybe.
JERRY
What do you mean, maybe? I saw the way he looked at you. He'll be there
for sure.
SUGAR
I hope so.
JERRY
What do you think, Josephine? What does it say in your crystal ball?
Joe glares at him. Meanwhile, Dolores has come into the room in her
wet bathing suit and carrying a dripping rubber horse. She sticks her
head into the bathroom.
DOLORES
Hey, Sugar, you got the key? I'm locked out and I'm making a puddle
in the hall.
SUGAR
[to Joe and Jerry] See you on the bandstand, girls.
She follows Dolores out, closing the door. Joe and Jerry are alone now.
The atmosphere is tense. They look at each other steely-eyed.
JOE
[finally] Wise guy, huh? Trying to louse me up -
JERRY
And what are you trying to do to poor Sugar? Putting on that millionaire
act - and that phony accent - [a la Cary Grant] Nobody talks like that!
I've seen you pull some low tricks on dames - but this is the trickiest
and the lowest and the meanest -
His words trail off as he sees Joe rise slowly out of the tub. The mystery
of his quick change is now solved - he didn't change at all. He is fully
dressed in Bienstock's outfit, and is clutching the yachting cap. As
he emerges from the bathtub, covered with suds, he looks like some diabolique
monster. He advances on Jerry menacingly.
JERRY
[continuing] I'm not scared of you - [retreating] I may be small, but
I'm wiry - [retreating some more] When I'm aroused, I'm a tiger!
By this time he is up against the wall. Joe is closing in on him.
JERRY
[continuing conciliatory] Don't look at me like that, Joe - I didn't
mean any harm - it was just a little joke - don't worry - I'll press
the suit myself.
The phone RINGS.
JERRY
[continuing] Telephone -
Joe closes in relentlessly.
JERRY
[continuing] You better answer the phone -
Joe slams the sopping cap on Jerry's head. As Jerry coughs and splutters,
Joe picks up the RINGING phone.
JOE
Hello - [remembering he is a girl, pitches voice higher] Hello - yes,
this is 413 - ship-to-shore? - all right, I'll take it.
40. EXT. FANTAIL OF THE YACHT CALEDONIA - DAY.
40. It is a chic vessel indeed - and so is Osgood Fielding the Third,
lounging in a deck chair, speaking into a radio- telephone.
OSGOOD
[that gleam in his eye] Hello, Daphne? It's that naughty boy again -
you know, Osgood - in the elevator - you slapped my face? Who is this?
41. INT. ROOM 413 - DAY.
41. Joe is on the phone. Through the open door of the bathroom we see
Jerry wiping his face.
JOE
This is her roommate. Daphne can't talk right now. Is it anything urgent?
42. OSGOOD - ON PHONE.
OSGOOD
Well, it is to me. Will you give her a message? I'd like her to have
a little supper with me on my yacht after the show tonight.
43. JOE - ON PHONE.
JOE
Got it. Supper - yacht - after the show - I'll tell her. [reacting]
Your yacht?
44. OSGOOD - ON PHONE.
OSGOOD
The New Caledonia. That's the name of it. The Old Caledonia went down
during a wild party off Cape Hatteras. But tell her not to worry - this
is going to be a quiet little midnight snack - just the two of us.
45. JOE - ON PHONE.
JOE
Just the two of you? What about the crew?
46. OSGOOD - ON PHONE.
OSGOOD
Oh, that's all taken care of. I'm giving them shore leave. We'll have
a little cold pheasant - and champagne - and I checked with the Coast
Guard - there'll be a full moon tonight - oh, and tell her I got a new
batch of Rudy Vallee records -
47. INT. ROOM 413 - DAY.
JOE
[into phone] That's good thinking. Daphne's a push-over for him. Jerry
comes up, still holding the towel.
JERRY
I'm a push-over for whom? What is it? Who's on the phone?
JOE
[shushing him; into phone] Yes, Mr. Fielding - you'll pick her up after
the show in your motorboat - goodbye - what's that you said? Oh - zowie!
I'll give her the message. [he hangs up]
JERRY
What message? What motorboat?
JOE
You got it made, kid. Fielding wants you to have a little cold pheasant
with him on his yacht -
JERRY
Oh, he does!
JOE
Just the three of you on that great big boat - you and him and Rudy
Vallee.
JERRY
Fat chance! You call him right back and tell him I'm not going.
JOE
Of course, you're not. I'm going.
JERRY
You're going to be on the boat with that dirty old man?
JOE
No. I'm going to be on that boat with Sugar.
JERRY
And where's he going to be?
JOE
He's going to be ashore with you.
JERRY
With ME?
JOE
That's right.
JERRY
Oh, no! Not tonight, Josephine!
DISSOLVE TO: 48. INT. HOTEL BALLROOM - NIGHT.
48. It's a good sized nightclub of the period, with about 200 guests
in formal dress - evening gowns, white dinner jackets - at the tables
and on the dance floor. A revolving globe, with a mirrored surface,
throws patterns of light and shadow on the dancers. On the bandstand,
Sugar, backed by the rest of the orchestra, is singing. The girls in
the band, Joe and Jerry among them, wear uniform evening gowns and long
earrings. Sugar and Sue war distinctive gowns. Sugar's song is "I WANT
TO BE LOVED BY YOU" - which she belts across in the style of the Twenties,
complete with poop-poop-pa-doop trimmings.
As she sings, she scans the room for her bespectacled Prince Charming,
but there is no sign of him - naturally, since he is playing the saxophone
behind her. In back of Joe is Jerry, thumping the bass grimly. He looks
off, sees - Osgood Fielding the Third, in a white mess jacket, sitting
alone at a table. Catching Jerry's eye, he waves exuberantly, his face
beaming with amorous anticipation. On the bandstand, Jerry looks away
haughtily.
JOE
[over his shoulder] Daphne - your boyfriend is waving at you.
JERRY
You can both go take a flying jump.
JOE
Remember - he's your date for tonight. So smile.
Jerry smiles feebly.
JOE
[continuing] Come on, you can do better than that. Give him teeth -
the whole personality.
JERRY
[a frozen smile on his face] Why do I let you talk me into these things?
Why?
JOE
Because we're pals - buddies - the two musketeers.
JERRY
Don't give me the musketeers! How'm I going to keep the guy ashore?
JOE
Tell him you get seasick on a yacht. Play miniature golf with him.
JERRY
Oh, no. I'm not getting caught in a miniature sand trap with that guy.
The fresh young Bellhop we saw earlier comes up beside the bandstand,
carrying a large wicker basket full of flowers.
BELLHOP
[to Joe] Which of you dolls is Daphne?
JOE
Bull fiddle.
The Bellhop hands the basket to Jerry, nods off toward Osgood's table.
BELLHOP
It's from Satchel Mouth at Table Seven. [he breaks off one flower, hands
it to Joe] This is from me to you, doll.
JOE
Beat it, Buster.
BELLHOP
[confidentially] Never mind leaving your door open - I got a passkey.
He winks and moves off. Joe looks after him contemptuously, then turns
to Jerry, picks up the basket of flowers.
JERRY
What are you doing with my flowers?
JOE
I'm just borrowing them. You'll get them back tomorrow.
He hands Jerry the single flower, then looks around, fishes a small
envelope out of his decolletage, slips it into the basket. Sugar finishes
her number, returns to her seat next to Joe. Sue leads the orchestra
into the signature music, SWEET SUE.
SUGAR
[to Joe] I guess he's not going to show up - it's give minutes to one
- you suppose he forgot?
JOE
Well, you know how those millionaires are. [pointing at basket of flowers]
These came for you.
SUGAR
For me? [she opens the note] It's Shell Oil.
JERRY
[sarcastically] No!
SUGAR
Yes. He wants me to have supper with him - on his yacht - he's going
to pick me up at the pier.
JERRY
No!
SUGAR
Yes.
JOE
[to Jerry] You heard her - yes.
SUGAR
[bubbling over] Oh, Josephine - just imagine - me, Sugar Kowalczyk,
from Sandusky, Ohio, on a millionaire's yacht. If my mother could only
see me now -
JERRY
[looking off toward Osgood] I hope my mother never finds out.
At his table, Osgood, catching Jerry's look, blows kisses to him. On
the bandstand, Sue turns to the audience for her signature spiel.
SUE
That's it for tonight, folks. This is Sweet Sue, saying good night,
and reminding all you daddies out there - every girl in my band is a
virtuoso - and I intend to keep it that way!
Behind her, Sugar picks up her ukulele and the basket of flowers, tiptoes
off the stand. Joe waves after her, wishing her luck. Sugar hurries
toward the staircase, passing Bienstock, who is planted near the reservation
desk. As Sue cuts off the music Joe frantically packs up his saxophone.
Then he leaps off the bandstand, and dashing past the bewildered Bienstock,
starts up the stairs two at a time.
DISSOLVE TO: 49. INT. ROOM 413 - NIGHT.
49. Joe barges in, drops the saxophone case, locks the door. Then he
darts into the bathroom, wriggling out of his dress. CAMERA PANS OVER
to the other door of the bathroom as the dress and shoes come flying
out. They are immediately followed by Joe, now partially dressed as
a man. He slips into Bienstock's coat, puts on the yachting cap. Even
to a captain he would be a captain now, except for one thing - in his
haste, he has neglected to take off his earrings. He opens a window,
steps out onto the balcony.
50. EXT. BALCONY OF ROOM 413 - NIGHT.
50. Joe moves along the balcony, climbs over the railing, starts to
shinny down a post.
51. EXT. SIDE ENTRANCE OF HOTEL - NIGHT.
51. Sugar, a fur boa over the evening gown she wore on the bandstand,
comes tripping down the steps, hurries eagerly toward the beach.
52. EXT. HOTEL GROUNDS - NIGHT.
52. In the f.g., to one side of the main entrance, a dozen bicycles
are parked in a rack. Joe drops down into the scene, sees the bicycles,
pulls one out, mounts it, and pedals off. Standing under a tree in front
of the hotel are Osgood and Jerry. Jerry is in his evening gown and
is holding a flower in his hand.
OSGOOD
But it's such a waste - a full moon - an empty yacht -
JERRY
I'll throw up!
OSGOOD
Well, then, why don't we go dancing? I know a little road-house, down
the coast -
Joe comes whizzing past them on his bicycle. Jerry looks after him,
open-mouthed.
JERRY
Well, I'll be - ! He does have a bicycle.
OSGOOD
Who?
JERRY
[catching himself] About that roadhouse -
OSGOOD
They got a Cuban band that's the berries. Why don't we go there - blindfold
the orchestra - and tango till dawn?
JERRY
You know something, Mr. Fielding? You're dynamite!
OSGOOD
You're a pretty hot little firecracker yourself.
He links his arm through Jerry's, leads him down the path. Sugar is
now almost running toward the pier, a look of great expectation on her
face. This is the big night of her life. Joe is pedaling desperately
to get to the pier before her, oblivious of the earrings dangling incongruously
from his ear lobes.
53. EXT. PIER - NIGHT.
53. About a dozen motorboats are tied up to the pier. Sugar hurries
across the planking and up the stairs to the deserted pier, stops and
looks around for her date. Behind her, Joe comes skimming along the
planking on his bicycle, swoops under the pier. A disheartened Sugar
thinks that she has been stood up. Joe dismounts from the bike, ducks
underneath the pier, and hops into the motorboat marked CALEDONIA. Straightening
up, he waves to Sugar on the pier above him.
JOE
Ahoy there!
Sugar turns, her face lighting up.
SUGAR
Ahoy!
She hurries down the steps toward him. Joe suddenly remembers his glasses.
He takes them out of his pocket, puts them on. As he does so, he feels
the earrings. He pulls them off, shoves them in his pocket - and he's
not a second too soon, for Sugar has just about reached him.
SUGAR
[continuing] Been waiting long?
JOE
[Cary Grant again] It's not how long you wait - it's who you're waiting
for.
He helps her down into the motorboat.
SUGAR
Thank you. And thank you for the flowers.
JOE
I wanted them to fly down some orchids from our greenhouse but all of
Long Island is fogged in.
SUGAR
It's the thought that counts.
She settles herself back on the cushioned seat. Joe starts fiddling
around with the mysterious knobs on the instrument panel. He pushes,
pulls, twists the knob - finally the motor turns over, but does not
catch.
JOE
I seem to be out of gas.
SUGAR
It's sort of funny - you being out of gas - I mean, Shell Oil and everything
-
Joe, working the knobs desperately, does something right, and the motor
starts with a ROAR.
JOE
Here we go.
He presses every lever he can find, manages to shift into gear. The
boat backs out erratically. Joe shifts into neutral, but no matter how
hard he tries to find the forward gear, he keeps winding up in reverse.
JOE
[apologetically] I just got this motorboat - it's an experimental model.
SUGAR
Looks like they're on the wrong track.
JOE
Do you mind riding backwards? It may take a little longer -
SUGAR
It's not how long it takes - it's who's taking you.
The motorboat glides off backwards, and as though it were the most natural
thing in the world, skims out toward the open water, where the yachts
are anchored.
DISSOLVE TO: 54. EXT. YACHT AT ANCHOR - NIGHT.
54. The CALEDONIA is bobbing gently on a calm, moonlit sea. The motorboat
with Joe and Sugar comes in stern- backwards. Joe, looking over his
shoulder, maneuvers the motorboat to a stop under the landing ladder.
[Reams of romantic music under all of this].
DISSOLVE TO: 55. EXT. DECK OF CALEDONIA - NIGHT.
55. as Joe and Sugar aboard. She gazes around, starry-eyed.
SUGAR
It looked so small from the beach - but when you're on it, it's more
like a cruiser - or a destroyer.
JOE
Just regulation size. We have three like this.
SUGAR
Three?
JOE
Mother keeps hers in Southampton - and Dad took his to Venezuela - the
company is laying a new pipe line.
SUGAR
My dad is more interested in railroads. Baltimore and Ohio. Which is
the port and which is the starboard?
JOE
[the old mariner] Well, that depends - on whether you're coming or going
- I mean, normally the aft is on the other side of the stern - and that's
the bridge - so you can get from one side of the boat to the other -
how about a glass of champagne?
SUGAR
Love it. Which way?
JOE
Yes - now let's see - where do you suppose the steward set it up?
He looks around, confused by the unfamiliar geography, then tentatively
opens the nearest door, revealing a flight of stairs leading below deck.
SUGAR
Oh, you have an upstairs and a downstairs.
JOE
Yes - that's our hurricane cellar.
He closes the door, opens another one - it's a storage bin, containing
mops, pails, coils of rope, etc.
JOE
[continuing] And another nice thing about this yacht - lots of closet
space.
Sugar, meanwhile, has stepped up to a lighted porthole, looks inside.
SUGAR
Oh - in here.
JOE
Of course. On Thursdays, they always serve me in the small salon.
He opens the door, ushers Sugar inside.
56. INT. SALON OF YACHT - NIGHT.
56. It's a very elegant layout - mahogany paneling, shelves of trophies,
a stuffed marlin on |