|menu/||THE BIG QUESTIONS|
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Here are some areas that any love-struck couple should want to discuss and be clear about ...
· What are you hoping this marriage will bring? A friend? A sense of belonging? Is it a family?
· Will you have kids? How many?
· How will you divide the time between family and career?
· Whose career comes first?
· Are there any conflicting career demands?
· What does your partner need in terms of work?
· How important is your career to your partner?
· What can you do to make the other's work easier?
· How will you resolve an impasse?
· Do you know the other person's style of communicating?
· Their stuck places?
· How is anger dealt with?
· What if one wants to talk about the relationship and the other refuses?
· Whose job is it to keep the lines open?
· If you get really bogged down - will you go for help?
· Where do they fit in the scheme of your life?
· How much time will spend with them?
· What about friends that the other dislikes? Are they welcome?
· Boys' night out, girls' night out?
· Confiding in friends, helping them out -- what are the boundaries?
· What's the philosophy about money?
· Who decides where it is spent?
· Does each of you have discretionary cash?
· What if there's a great job offer 2000 miles away?
· How will you pay the bills and apportion the income?
· How much to save?
· Is indulgence important?
· What is their role?
· Who will call them to keep in touch?
· How does your partner feel about your family?
· How do they fee about theirs?
· Are one or both of you going to have to help out a parent?
· How will you do that?
· What if there is a family disagreement or feud?
· If there isn't enough of it, how will you deal with the feeling?
· Birth control?
· Attractions to other people?
· What if sex becomes boring?
· Limits on experimentation?
· What is sex to both of you?
· How does your partner feel about sex?
· How important is it in a relationship?
· How important is it to make time for it?
· What is your philosophy around bringing up children?
· Punishment and consequences?
· Who will caretake them?
· How many?
· What if there is a child who has mental or physical problems?
· What about children from other marriage?
· Can you both respect each other's beliefs even if they are different?
· If there are children, how will you deal with this issue?
· How will you handle your respective families around religion?
· Do you have any opposing beliefs?
Counseling provides a template for conflict resolution that can be drawn on when needed. A couple that knows how to fight fairly and how to compromise is going to have a head start on a couple that makes up the rules along the way.
You'd spend the time and money to ensure a satisfying Caribbean cruise - why not invest the same energy into a much more precious adventure?
Author unknown 2004
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